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Don’t be triggered

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We have all experienced a moment when your anger, annoyance or frustration has taken over and you’ve said something at a meeting that, on reflection, you wish you hadn’t. Has this happened to you? It’s definitely happened to me!

The reason these outbursts can happen to the best of us is simple psychology.

We all have a part of our brain that is responsible for our emotions—the limbic system—and another that is responsible for problem-solving, planning and consequential thinking—the frontal lobe. The amygdala is the part of the limbic system that makes you react instinctively to your emotions which is something humans have developed to avoid harm. Unfortunately, when we get angry, it is very easy for the amygdala to overpower the frontal lobe, leading us to have an outburst.

Clearly this reaction is not the best course of action, but in a moment of anger, annoyance or frustration, there is no reasoning! So how can we get past that initial instinct to react? Read on for a simple, yet effective strategy to banish that embarrassed, regretful feeling forever.

Consequential thinking is the antidote to mindless, reactionary behaviour that prevents people from reaching their leadership potential. It’s described as ‘evaluating the costs and benefits of your choices’ developed by Six Seconds, a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to improving the emotional intelligence of people.

How to practice consequential thinking

This model involves pausing for a few seconds, evaluating your situation and choosing to respond in a way that is best for you. In doing this, we are letting the instinct to react subside and allowing ourselves time to think.

Consequential thinking is about connecting your everyday behaviours to who you really want to be as a person and leader and to make choices every day that take you in the right direction.

Let’s break down those three steps.

1. Pause

Allow your emotion to occur without taking any action. For how long? Six seconds! Emotions are molecules and this is how long it takes for them to run their course in your brain and body before they are reabsorbed.

2. Evaluate

Question why you are feeling this way. What is the best possible result of your actions in this situation? How can you tailor your response to get to that result?

3. Choose your response

Respond now that you have thought through the consequences of your behaviour for yourself and others.

How can consequential thinking help you become a better leader?

1. Know your values

Consequential thinking forces you to clarify your values. What matters to you in life? Is it kindness, equality, connection or critical thinking? It can be daunting to acknowledge what you really value in your life and career, especially if it feels out of reach. However, this desire is something that will continuously motivate you and lead you to smarter decision-making.

Often when something annoys us, it is signalling something that is important to us. When we pause, we can think about what that important thing is that our emotion is pointing to. When you realise your values, it becomes much easier to see the consequences of your actions clearly. There is an obvious link between your behaviour and where it will lead you. Think about your actions over the past day, week or month. Do they align with your values?

2. Better relationships

Consequential thinking helps you enhance your relationships. Your behaviour as a professional
is what determines how others perceive you—whether they want to work with you or not.

Imagine someone in your team makes a mistake. As a leader you have two choices: react immediately or pause and calmly deliver constructive feedback. Think about which choice is more likely to prevent that mistake from happening again. Which choice is more likely to build a trusting, positive relationship?

Having positive professional relationships is beneficial for everyone: you won’t gain a reputation for having a bad temper and others will trust you more as a leader or a peer.

3. Dealing with challenging emotions

Consequential thinking helps you in those moments of explosive emotions. We all experience challenging emotions in difficult times from feelings of insecurity, to constant time pressures, to frustration and disappointment. No one gets to where they want to be without hard days and setbacks. What’s important is how you deal with the emotions that come along with these challenges.

Challenging emotions are inevitable. Once you reach the top of your field you are not suddenly immune to them. Luckily, they are a great guide if you know how to listen to them and act accordingly. You can apply consequential thinking–pausing for six seconds, remembering your values–to deal with challenging emotions. Holding your driving force in mind is a great way to better understand why you feel certain things.

When you pause to think about what is driving you, your values, you can better understand the anger and complete the task more efficiently. Having a better awareness of this emotion is going to allow you to deal with it properly, rather than letting it simmer and potentially blowing up at someone else.

In Summary

Consequential thinking is a key tool for your leadership toolbox. It challenges you to clarify what’s important to you, pause and act with consideration rather than being overtaken by challenging emotions and act with intention instead.

Warning – this strategy requires practice! Do you know where I find the better practice ground…with family. No one will know how to push your buttons better than your three-year-old son or your loving little sister! Yes, practicing this technique is not just limited to the workplace but can be used at home too.

How to make the most of your day

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How you spend your days is how you spend your life. Time is the ultimate currency. We spend it on what we deem important or interesting, but sometimes it feels like we don’t gain anything in the end. Either we wasted time mindlessly watching or scrolling, got bogged down by mandatory tasks, or struggled to achieve our best.

It’s easy to get frustrated or stressed when this happens, but the only way to solve the problem is to rethink how and where we direct our time and attention. Here’s how you can start to maximise your day and get more of a return from your time.

Making time

We each get 24 hours. You can’t make more time in a day, but maybe we can structure each day so we feel accomplished without a mad rush? In their book Make Time, Jake Knapp and John Zeratsky explain how you can slow down your day by carving out time for things you care about. Instead of doing more, you focus on things that will bring you a sense of satisfaction.

There are four steps to making time.

1. Highlight

Each morning choose a highlight, something that you want to focus on that day. Even if you have a day full of urgent tasks and long meetings, you should take 60-90 minutes for your highlight.

Adults spend an average of more than four hours watching TV or on social media each day, so most of us actually do have room for 60-90 minutes. Allowing your highlight to be the focal point of your day doesn’t take long, and it will give you something positive to look back on. Each day you will have done something important to you.

2. Laser

Avoid things that draw your attention away from your highlight. Distractions prevent you from entering a state of laser focus, so you get less of a pay-off for the time you are trying to spend on your highlight. Think about what chews up your attention when you are trying to work. Is it your smartphone, other people, background noise or discomfort? Once you’ve identified your distractions, use strategies like keeping your smartphone out of sight, putting in some headphones with white noise or choosing an environment to best suit your purpose.

3. Energise

Stick to daily habits that improve your physiological health. This includes eating nutritious foods, staying hydrated, being active and sleeping well. We can be quick to neglect our bodies as soon as stress piles on. Healthy habits become less of a priority, which is to the detriment of our ability to make the most of each day. When you maintain daily habits that keep your body functioning well, your mind is freed up to attend to other things. Not only can you be more productive but enjoy the rewarding feeling of having looked after yourself!

4. Reflect

Look back on each day and learn from it. Each day provides you with data—your energy levels, emotions, appetite, productivity, interactions etc.—and you can treat the next day like an experiment based on this information.

  • What factors could have been influencing you today?
  • How do you think they helped or hindered you?
  • What does this tell you about how you should approach tomorrow?

Taking this analytical stance is a very helpful technique to avoid feeling like your day was a total waste if things didn’t go as planned. There is always something to be learned!

Attention

Another vital part of getting the most out of your day is learning how to direct and restore your attention.

Attention restoration theory, developed by professors of environmental psychology, Rachel and Stephan Kaplan, gives us two modes of attention:  Directed attention and effortless attention, also called fascination.

The Kaplans point out that our directed attention mode becomes fatigued over time. This is why a long drive can be exhausting. Even though our bodies aren’t working hard, certain day-to-day tasks require a sustained effort to focus attention on one thing and shut out other distractions.

So, how can we first maintain directed attention well enough to complete work (even the boring stuff), then rest properly when the time comes? Resolve emotional turmoil through productive reflection

Author of Focus and Emotional Intelligence Daniel Goleman explains that emotional turmoil is one of the biggest challenges for people trying to direct their attention. It could be an upcoming event you are stressed about, a troubling relationship or any other personal problem. According to Goleman, productive reflection is the best way to get over this hurdle and regain control of your attention.

Productive reflection means stopping, reflecting and resolving those thoughts that keep creeping in and distracting you rather than letting them continue to stew. These thoughts draw our attention because we know they need to be dealt with through action or simply processing their emotional impact. Give it a go if you find yourself struggling to be attentive; is there something that might be causing you emotional turmoil? What is the best way to move past this?

Use your rest time wisely to really rejuvenate

Do you go straight to screens when you have time to rest, watching TV and movies, scrolling social media?

Even though it doesn’t require any effort to pay attention to a TV show, spending rest time on screens will actually do nothing to reduce mental fatigue. You may be resting your body, but your mind is fully occupied for hours on end.  This is called hard fascination.

Attention restoration theory tells us that there are two types of fascination: hard fascination and soft fascination. Neither states require much effort to sustain, however, hard fascination takes up all of your mental bandwidth.

On the other hand, soft fascination leaves room for reflection and contemplation. This is necessary for your mind to unwind and restore after a period of directed attention. Thoughts are able to arise and settle during rest times instead of work times.

Natural environments are recognised as a wonderful source of soft fascination as they effortlessly hold our attention while leaving room for other mental processes. Natural environments are a perfect setting for rest time because they are accessible, extensive and separate from workspaces.

Next time you feel mentally fatigued, rest by walking through a garden or park, going to a river or beach, or even just looking out the window for a few minutes! This is going to allow your attentional abilities to restore which is going to make the most of your rest time and improve your productivity later.

In Summary

Sometimes it feels like we just need an extra hour or two in the day to feel satisfied with what we can get done, but that’s never going to happen. Instead, we just need to be conscious of how the use of our time influences how we feel about each day.

Your steps to maximising your day are:

  1. Set your highlight
  2. Eliminate distractions from your highlight
  3. Take care of your body
  4. Learn from each day
  5. Allow yourself to deal with emotional turmoil
  6. Rest effectively

These are all choices you can make throughout your day that will add up. Challenge yourself to make more of a return on your time and feel more satisfied at the end of each day!

Get this Free Guide: 6 POWERFUL SECRETS TO FIND YOUR HIGHEST PURPOSE IN LIFE

The world needs more purpose-driven people. But where do you start?

This inspiring guide will give you powerful insights to find and refine your own purpose in life.
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Creating Inclusive Leaders

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In an ever-changing, diverse world, organisations require leaders to look beyond traditional ideas and frameworks to shape leadership expectations. Leaders, without consideration and reflection, can often gravitate toward people that reflect their own personality, values and opinions. With diversity becoming a developing trend, organisations are now looking for teams with people from varied backgrounds, personal experiences, personalities, and ideas. With diverse teams comes the need for diverse and inclusive leaders.

But what does it mean to be inclusive? And how do you foster inclusivity in an organisation? Inclusion requires people to feel respected by and connected to the organisation and their colleagues, feel able to contribute to wider discussions, and feel able to progress within the organisation. Diversity refers to the mixture of different people and identities coming together in an organisation. 

A report published in 2016 by Deloitte outlines “The six signature traits of inclusive leadership: Thriving in a diverse new world”. From 2011, they recorded and interviewed over a thousand global leaders, consulted experts and researchers in the field of inclusive leadership, and interviewed over 1500 employees about inclusion in the workplace around the world.

So what are the key traits you need to be an inclusive leader? 

They are:

  1. Commitment
  2. Courage
  3. Cognisance of bias
  4. Curiosity
  5. Cultural Intelligence
  6. Collaboration

Let’s explore those further.

1. Commitment – Are you dedicated to diversity?

Being a more inclusive leader requires you to be committed to diversity. This is not only in the interest of the organisation you work for, but because it aligns with your personal values. Fostering diversity doesn’t happen overnight; it requires a lot of time, energy, and hard work.

The combination of your own personal experiences with diversity and inclusion in the workplace and the rational argument from a business perspective shows your commitment to fostering diversity and inclusion in your workplace.

So how can you show your commitment to diversity as a leader?

  • Put yourself in situations where you are working with people with different backgrounds to you.
  • Take the time to read and listen to diverse information sources
.
  • Highlight that fostering diversity and inclusion in the workplace is a top business and personal priority and encourage everyone to join the learning journey
.
  • Talk about what inclusivity and diversity look like within your organisation and invite different opinions.
  • Ensure your workplace practices and processes are improving diversity and inclusivity in your workplace.

2. Courage – Are you ready to speak up?

Being an inclusive leader requires you to challenge your organisation, its practices, others, and yourself. It takes bravery to challenge entrenched organisational practices and frameworks, but doing so will mean your organisation has the chance to become more diverse. Being able to challenge others and recognise your own limitations also takes courage. This humility will help you listen to different perspectives and overcome your own limitations.

Have you got the courage to be an inclusive leader?

How can you be a more courageous leader?

  • Reflect often on the biases and weaknesses that arise in your own behaviour and be willing to call them out.
  • Seek the advice and help of others to rise above your limitations, and acknowledge when you have made an error.
  • Encourage your team to respectfully identify when biases may be occurring in the team. Emphasize this is a learning journey for all. Make it safe for everyone to make mistakes and learn.
  • Question and dispute normative organisational values, processes and frameworks that encourage non-inclusive practices.

3. Cognisance of Bias – Are you aware of your blind spots?

Being an inclusive leader requires you to be aware of your organisation’s biases and of your own personal biases. These biases can range from unconscious bias, favouritism, confirmation bias, group-think, and attribution error. In order to improve the diversity within your organisation, you must develop your self-awareness and be prepared to act.

So how do you overcome personal and organisational biases?

  • Identify when you are most prone to your personal biases and organisational biases.
  • Take note of when organisational biases take over your better judgement during stressful situations or processes, e.g. recruitment processes.
  • Ask for feedback or more opinions when making or reflecting on key decisions.
  • Adapt processes to ensure that personal biases do not influence decisions about others.
  • Ensure transparency in decision-making processes, such as recruitment practices, and provide clear explanations to those affected by these decisions.

4. Curiosity – Do you have a thirst for knowledge?

To be an inclusive leader, you must constantly desire to learn and keep improving! To improve the organisation’s diversity, you must be open to different perspectives and to areas of knowledge that you are not personally familiar with. Asking questions and attentively listening to colleagues can help you understand multiple perspectives on issues that your organisation must deal with. This also means you have to be prepared for perspectives that can be vague and indefinite.

So how can you be more curious?

  • Do not be quick to judge those who hold different perspectives to you. Listen to what they have to say, and dig into understanding their perspectives.
  • Express your desire and openness to learning about new perspectives and ideas.
  • Ask for multiple perspectives from diverse people about choices or decisions to be made.
  • Anticipate change and actively encourage different ways of thinking. This can lead to opportunities to connect with diverse others.

5. Cultural Intelligence – how do you communicate with people from other cultures?

What exactly is cultural intelligence? This particular quality of an inclusive leader requires you to recognise how your personal experiences affect your perspective of the world. You must learn to look past stereotypes and be confident in your cross-cultural communications.

Cultural intelligence (CQ) is divided into four categories; motivational CQ, cognitive CQ, metacognitive CQ, and behavioural CQ.

  • Motivational CQ concerns how interested and enthusiastic a leader is in learning and developing cross-cultural communications.
  • Cognitive CQ concerns how much a leader knows about traditional norms, values, and stereotypes surrounding another culture.
  • Metacognitive CQ concerns how consciously aware of culture a leader is during communications with people from another culture.
  • Behavioural CQ concerns how appropriately a leader uses verbal and non-verbal cues when communicating with another culture.

So how can you become more culturally-intelligent?

  • Take the time to learn about other cultures, and create opportunities to do so.
  • Be prepared when leading a culturally-diverse team. This will include learning about individual members and their backgrounds, and changing how you approach certain situations or decisions.
  • Be open in your body language and succinct in your word use when communicating with
    people from different cultures and backgrounds.
  • Recognise your personal flaws and biases towards cultural stereotypes and differences.
  • Actively reflect and question your predisposed ideas about different cultures.

6. Collaborative – how well do you work with others?

Contemporary organisations require you to harness your team’s total intelligence to get to work, rather than individually strive to complete projects. In a team, you are more likely to meet and work with people who have completely different backgrounds, and maybe even opposing ideas to your own. The challenge here is to listen, be solutions-focused, and encourage independent, self-directed thought and debate.

How can you be a more collaborative leader?

  • Create an environment where team members will take responsibility and hold themselves accountable for mistakes they have made.
  • Ensure no one is left out of conversations or group discussions and activities. You should cultivate a safe and respectful environment so that your team members feel safe to speak up and discuss ideas.
  • Ask for feedback and questions about project progress from other team members.

In summary

Being inclusive is a non-negotiable. This gives us all a great opportunity to be learners and take our leadership skills to the next level.

Check out this link for the full Deloitte report. For further information about being a more
inclusive leader, check out this link to the SPACE2 Model developed by Include-Empower.
Where do you think you need to improve as a leader? Can you see yourself developing and
implementing the ideas we have discussed? I would love your feedback!

Ready to step into your full leadership potential?

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RESET – Creating Your New Normal

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What an opportunity 2020 has been to truly reflect on what’s important in our personal lives and collective society. Have you taken the time to reflect on how the global pandemic has impacted your life? To start to make sense of it and to ask what it is teaching you?

The interruptions to how we live and work has given us a chance to experiment with our habits. Habits you may have intentionally developed for your life as well as the habits that emerge without you knowing. You know, habits like checking your social media first thing in the morning, staying up too late, eating too much fast food or checking email or news at all times of the day. These habits are not who you are or who you want to be.

I spoke to one CEO recently who said they were not looking forward to returning back to normal and had really enjoyed the slower pace rather than racing from meeting to meeting. They reflected the pandemic had given them more time and space to think, to move more and connect with family.

If we can take away anything from this experience, it’s the opportunity to reset. Now is the time to think about what this lockdown has given us and what we’ve missed too. This is the time to make changes to your daily life. To raise questions at work about how you work best! This is the time to start carving those new grooves and living in a way that aligns more with your purpose and values.

 

Look at your Life

It starts by asking some of the big questions in life. What is important to me? What values do I hold dear? How do I want to show up in the world? Maybe you’ve done some of this thinking before and maybe you haven’t. Either way – it’s a good time!

Author, Brian Johnson suggests starting with three key domains in your life – energy, work and love to align your purpose and values to the everyday actions in your life.

  • Energy:  Without your health, you can’t show up fully for your work or life so your energy is foundational to living your best life.
  • Work:  Happy people have meaningful work serving a purpose greater than themselves.
  • Love:  Cultivating connection with family, friends and community has been shown time and time again to create enduring wellbeing in life.

So let’s look at those in-depth…

 

Domain 1: Energy – lighting you up!

The pandemic has caused a fair amount of physical and mental stress. It’s important to acknowledge this as it takes a hit on our energy levels. Research has found people with high energy are happier people.

So how do you increase your energy? There are two key ways we can create energy in your life – physiologically and psychologically.

Physiological – Creating energy physiologically means the basics of life – how you move, eat and sleep. How would you rate on the basics? It wasn’t a surprise when the lockdown first hit, many people were extolling the importance of eating well, moving your body and getting enough sleep. That’s because it protects us from physical and mental illness!

But it’s so easy to see these things as getting in the way of what we really want to do in your life. They become a chores that need to be done. Dr Michelle Segar, in her book No Sweat, suggests we reframe these chores to instead seeing them as a gifts.

How?

Dr Segar suggests connecting exercise (or eating healthily or sleeping enough) with the short term benefits it brings to your life. That’s right, forget about vague promises that it’s good for your health and think about how it makes you feel today.

She also suggests focusing on the smallest improvements. For example, instead of trying to fit in our hour of rigorous exercise, she says make it a game to find OTM – Opportunities To Move throughout your day. She says – everything counts!

 

You may think that your day is crammed so full that you can’t fit in one more thing, but believe me: It’s not true. If you’ve got one minute, you’ve got time.”
Dr Michelle Segar, Author, No Sweat

 

Like finding a parking spot furtherest away from the supermarket, train station or workplace rather than the closest (you’ll be spoilt for choice!). Taking the stairs rather than the lift (easy way to avoid the crowds!). Taking a walk during your lunch break or while the kids are taking their music class or when meeting with a colleague. How many opportunities to move do you have in your day?

Psychological – You can also create energy psychologically too. I’m sure you’ve had the up and down of negative thoughts and emotions over the last few months. Recognising the emotions you are feeling, acknowledging them in the moment and realising they will pass are vital skills to manage the stress.

There are a number of scientifically validated mental tools to get you in the right frame of mind too, training your mental resilience through focus training, gratitude, confidence building and hope.

It starts by spending small moments thinking, talking or reflecting about what you are grateful for, what goals you have for the future, reframing mistakes and acting in integrity with your values. Setting habits to review what you are grateful for, your purpose, goals and values can help cultivate your mental strength and resilience to weather the highs and lows in life.

The more you move away from our values, the more you feel stressed and anxious in your life. Instead, aim for coherence between your purpose, values and goals and your everyday actions.

 

Domain 2: Work – serving the planet with your greatest strengths

What conditions help you to do your greatest work? Think about where prefer to work? What time do you have the greatest energy? What cues help you to focus? What gets you in the zone? This is what top companies obsess about – helping their people do their greatest work. What did you learn about this during lockdown?

Did you learn you work best from five to seven in the morning?
Did you learn you were most productive with less distractions around you?
Did you learn what triggers you into your most productive work?

What percentage of your work allows you to use your greatest strengths? Psychologist, Martin Seligman found using your strengths makes you more productive, happier and engaged at work! Are you making the best use of your greatest strengths?

The challenge becomes creating space and time to focus on your strengths deeply within your diary. In Cal Newport’s book, Deep Work, he suggests your ability to focus deeply at work is becoming increasing uncommon. Think – notifications, open plan working, back to back meetings or 24/7 email. Yet, this deep work is becoming more and more valuable in our economy.

 

The Deep Work Hypothesis: The ability to perform deep work is becoming increasingly rare at exactly the same time it is becoming increasingly valuable in our economy. As a consequence, the few who cultivate this skill, and then make it the core of their working life, will thrive.”
Cal Newport, Author, Deep Work

 

Your deep work is your life’s work. It’s building a body of work that makes you proud. We tend to overestimate what we can achieve in a day and underestimate what we can achieve in a year. So what is the focus for your next 12 months and how are you breaking that down and working towards it little by little every single day?

You can’t do eight hours of deep work every day though so Brian Johnson suggests you match your the energy levels to the type of work you want to do. You want to create rhythms to do your best (deep) work when you have your greatest energy and the oscillate your deep work time blocks with time with your team (team work) and then the monkey work (email, admin and so on) as well as some time to rest (don’t forget this too)!

 

Domain 3: Love – cultivating moments of connection

The pandemic has given many of us a huge wake up call about how much time we are spending with our loved ones. A recent newspaper article shared how many leaders had been able to reset during the lockdown, realising that events every night of the week was not only burning them out energy wise but slowly disconnecting them from their partner and children.

Clayton Christensen, Harvard professor and author of How will your Measure your Life? suggests we live in a culture that over invests in work and under invests in our close personal relationships.

 

The relationships you have with family and close friends are going to be the most important sources of happiness in your life. But you have to be careful. When it seems like everything at home is going well, you will be lulled into believing that you can put your investments in these relationships on the back burner. That would be an enormous mistake. By the time serious problems arise in those relationships, it often is too late to repair them.”
Clayton Christensen, Author, How Will you Measure your Life?

 

I’m not saying don’t focus on your work I’m saying actively take the time to cultivate the love in your life too! Career or business success can be super important, for sure, but it is not the only ‘capital’ you want to build in your life

Are you building a life which allows you to be the healthiest version of you?
Are you building a life which allows you to connect with your partner and children?
Are you building a life which allows you to be an active member in your community?

 

Time to RESET?

Undoubtedly, this pandemic has had immeasurable effects to our global world. This, on top of insane environmental, social, political and cultural challenges, has left many of feeling off kilter.

This is the gift of 2020. Not the year many of us might of imagined but a gift no less. Any opportunity to reset. An opportunity to re-imagine. An opportunity to reconnect. Are you making the most of this opportunity?

 

 

—————

New Workplace Keynote and Workshop – RESET

If this article has resonated with you, you might enjoy Alyceum’s new RESET keynote (1 hour) or workshop (4 or 7 hours) in your workplace.

These sessions guide employees through making meaning of these tough times and creating practical strategies to thrive.

Contact Alicia at alicia@alyceum.com.au for more information.

 

 

Get this Free Guide: 6 POWERFUL SECRETS TO FIND YOUR HIGHEST PURPOSE IN LIFE

The world needs more purpose-driven people. But where do you start?

This inspiring guide will give you powerful insights to find and refine your own purpose in life.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Finding your Purpose in a Noisy and Distracted World

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Want to carve out time and space for thinking and reflection in 2020? Join me once a month online for 90 minutes for reflection, inspiration and connection. Our next gathering is on the 28 January and you can use the coupon bemyguest to try it for free for the first time. Or better yet, commit to growing your reflection muscle by registering for all the 2020 Alyceum Live gatherings here.

“All change, even very large and powerful change, begins when a few people start talking with one another about something they care about.” – Margaret Wheatley

Finding and living your purpose is more important than ever in a world that can lack meaning and connection. But how often do we truly focus our attention on what’s important to us?

Do you feel a little lost at times? What about turning up the volume on your inner voice and work on a purpose that resonates with you.

I’m going to be honest, it’s not easy. Like any type of self reflection work, it is work! The answers won’t all come immediately. You do have to work at it and it will take time. You can continue to evolve it too, it will become your life’s work. But it is nice to think about the body of work you want to create in the world.

Before you jump into the three powerful activities below, I have a few smaller recommendations to get you started:

• Get out into nature more. Less screens and walls means you can breathe more deeply, get more oxygen into your bloodstream and connect back with you. Research says that nature helps our heads as well as our bodies stay healthy. You know the feeling you get after a walk or hike in the bush, a stroll on the beach or a day at the river. Diarise nature time to clear your head.
• Insights and understanding come with time. Set up a habit to reflect often. Just like any other skill or habit, it will take time to get into your reflection flow. The great news is those who take the time to reflect are better learners, happier people and more productive. Join me at the next Alyceum Live online gathering for reflection, inspiration and connection on the 28 January using the coupon bemyguest (First time user only).
• Move your body. The insights can come when we move, that’s what our bodies were made to do! It gets the blood pumping and gives you inspiration. Exercise is not only crucial to physical health, but it’s good for your head too.

Purpose Activity 1: Identify and Utilise your Signature Strengths

Living your strengths each and every day can be one of the most powerful strategies you have to creating a life of meaning, happiness and personal success.

Martin Seligman, Professor and founder of the University of Penn’s Positive Psychology Centre, has invested in a huge amount of research into the benefits of identifying and living your strengths as a way of living a flourishing life. They have developed an online (free) survey to identify your top 5 character strengths. (Head to Questionnaires and check out the VIA Character Strengths Survey).

These researchers found 6 universal virtues, which can be broken down into 24 core strengths. Here’s a look at the 24:

  • Courage: Bravery, Perseverance, Honesty and Zest
  • Wisdom: Creativity, Curiosity, Critical thinking, love of learning and perspective
  • Humanity: Love, Kindness and Social intelligence
  • Justice: Teamwork, Fairness and Leadership
  • Temperance: Appreciation of Beauty, Gratitude, Hope, Humour and Spirituality

Personally, I’ve gained much over the years by reflecting on my key strengths and incorporating them more and more into my life. It makes me happy when I get to use my strengths and it brings me a sense of purpose. Understanding my key strengths has given me an awareness of my leadership superpowers too. My strengths (and my unique mix of strengths) as my leadership brand and people get to know me for my strengths.

Ryan Niemiec and Robert McGrath, authors of the bok, The Power of Character Strengths shared that there are telltale signs to know what is a signature strength of yours. There are three tell tale signs: Essential (It’s a core part of who you are as a person), Effortless (It feels natural and evokes a sense of flow when you’re using it) and Energising (It lifts you up and makes you feel happy).

For those playing along at home, my top strengths are hope, zest, gratitude, leadership and creativity. What’s yours?

A note to beware– after mentoring many people to focus on their strengths, the catch is that people see their strengths as so easy or commonplace that they dismiss their power. You might think – how is this my superpower? Isn’t everyone good at this? This is nothing special. The simple answer is NO! Not everyone has this strength. How can you deepen your mastery of this strength, practice it deliberately and enhance its use in your life?

Purpose Activity 2: Understand your Hedgehog

This concept was highlighted in Jim Collins’ book, Good to Great, and is based on the ancient Greek parable about the hedgehog and the fox. The story goes, despite all the tactics of the fox, the hedgehog always wins because it knows how to do one thing really well and that’s defend itself (think roll in a ball of spikes!).

So this model asks you to think about the intersection of three questions:

1. What are you great at? These are your strength areas! Focus on them, practice them, improve them and know them! What can you be best in the world at?
2. What does the world need? What will people pay for? Or what does the world need and are willing to pay for?
3. What are you deeply passionate about? What makes you curious? What do you love or brings you joy? What’s important to you?

Now spend a bit of time to consider these questions individually – think of them as three circles in a venn diagram. Then the interesting part is finding something that intersects all three of these. According to Jim Collins’s book, organisations that have focused on one thing (the intersection of these three questions) and done it really well, outperform all their competitors and stand the test of time.

What’s in the intersection for you?

Purpose Activity 3: Focus on the Intrinsic Motivators

In life, you can easily get caught up with, as author Brian Johnson would call it, ‘society’s candy’. Which is when there is an over-emphasis on our extrinsic motivators – namely fame, fortune and how you look. It’s okay to focus a little on these things but an over-emphasis can actually, at worst, make you depressed. Yes, that’s right. If you are living the rat race where you are continually focused on material wealth, chasing fame and focusing on what you look for appearance sake – you are in danger of having poorer mental health because of it.

Instead, it’s best to reorient yourself to focus on areas that intrinsically motivate us – fostering strong relationships,

learning and growth, and contributing to a community. It’s been found that people who are motivated by these intrinsic motivators are more likely to be healthy and have higher self esteem.

When you look at your goals this year and in life, what is driving them? Is it about status, power, money or comparison?

Or is it about how you can learn and grow as a person, or the people who mean the most to you, or how you can give back to a greater purpose in life? It is so interesting to use this filter when you come across advertising. You start to see the extrinsic motivators that advertisers use to try and get you to buy their product. Where does your focus truly lie?

Last word

My last word is this – no one is going to do this important work for you. It’s up to you to take responsibility for clarifying your purpose in life and living a more meaningful existence.

We live in a really lucky time (and place) in the world where we can focus on meaning and purpose in our life. Don’t underestimate the power of these simple reflection activities. Join me on social media and share your purpose!

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10 questions to plan for 2020

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Want to join my Reflection Revolution in 2020? You, me, the Alyceum Community, once a month for 90 minutes for reflection, inspiration and connection. Join us here for a free taster (FIRST TIME GUESTS ONLY) on the 28 January using the coupon bemyguest. Or better yet, commit to growing your reflection muscle by registering for all the 2020 Alyceum Live gatherings here.

A fresh new year to dream, visualise and plan. But how do you get started? Journalling is a great tool to develop our insight, connect with our inner voice and start to develop clarity about the life you want to lead.

I think we can under-estimate what can be achieved in a year but we have to take the time to contemplate what we will actually want to achieve and break it down into your first bite sized piece of this. So what do you want to be different in a year’s time?

In December I posted 10 Questions to Fuel Your Reflection of 2019. Because we have to look back first!

It’s a great practice to….

  • reflect back over the whole year (it gives you a sense of what can be achieved in a year),
  • visualise what you did with your time (consider the projects you worked on and how you spent your time), and
  • really consider on the key learnings you have taken from the year – seriously, what did you learn?

Most often, we sleep walk through life without taking the time to reflect, grow and stretch into the future. Just as useful as it is to look back, now it’s time to look forward.

10 Questions to help your planning in 2020

So where to start!

Take these 10 journaling questions to planning for 2020. They are simple questions but they will take some time to consider. Put yourself first – before work, Netflix or social media, and make it a priority to immerse yourself in these questions.

1. How will you step into the highest version of yourself this year?

If you practiced all the habits you wanted, lived your core strengths and you were totally aligned with values – this would be your highest version of you. Visualise who and what this person would look like, what choices they would make, how they would talk and interact with others and what they would focus on in life. The game is – how do you edge closer and closer to this person every moment. Think small steps.

Your highest version of you can be your greatest mentor, guide and inspiration – ask her for advice as life’s challenges arise. Tap into the inner wisdom you possess. The clearer your highest version is to you, the better she can guide you through life’s ups and downs.

2. Describe your ideal day, week and year?

How you live your days is how you live your life!

It’s a big statement but it’s true. Our daily habits form the foundations for how you live your life. What is one habit you want to focus on this year and one habit you want to let go of?

Take some time to craft your ideal day, week and year. What does an ideal 24 hours look like to you? Take into consideration all the realities of life and craft what it could look like.

What about a week? What do the ultimate 7 days look like? Break the rules, and see what you come up with. What energises you? Who do you want to spend time with? What goals do you want to dedicate your life to?

3. How will you use your strengths?

Want to enjoy life to the fullest? Put your strengths to work!

Professor Martin Seligman, Director of the University of Penn Positive Psychology Centre found that a key part of flourishing in life and work is using your strengths.  So first you have to know them – do you know them? Inside out and back to front? How much of your day do you get to use your strengths currently?

How can you increase the dial on this and use them more and more in your life. Again, you can be creative with this, perhaps you haven’t come across ways that you could be using them more and more in your life.

4. How will you take care of yourself? What’s your health and wellbeing plan?

Without your health it’s very hard to achieve anything of significance over the long term. Think physical, mental and spiritual. This means you have to actively plan for sleep, rest, nutrition, movement, mental clarity and fun! How could you step up your health? How can you make it fun?

I read an article this year that so aptly described self care as not a day in the day spa but the everyday looking after yourself – cooking healthy meals, moving your body and doing something that enriches your spirit – this is real self care.

Don’t wait until your health is threatened to make health a priority. Do it now.

5. What is holding you back? 

Otto Scharmer, author of the books Theory U and Leading from the Emerging Future talks about the three voices that hold you back…

  • the voice of judgement (shutting down your open mind instead of being inquiring and curious),
  • the voice of cynicism (shutting down your open heart instead of connecting and relating) and
  • the voice of fear (shutting down your open will instead of letting go).

How powerful!

Do you ever listen to the stories you tell yourself or others about what’s happening in your life? I often try to listen in to what I say automatically to friends and colleagues about what’s happening in my life.

Journalling is another great opportunity to tap into your stories.

These stories are your beliefs – but you know what, you don’t have to believe them? What? Yes, your beliefs can hold you back and sometimes you need to actively change them.

What beliefs do you need to say goodbye to and what beliefs will you try out in 2020?

6. How will you give back to the community? And how can you be of service to others? 

If you know me at all, you know I see this as an integral piece in life. Life is energised by using our greatest strengths in service to the world. If you haven’t felt this through your giving before, you probably haven’t tapped into the right giving for you yet.

How can you focus on giving to others this year? Often this can provide great energy in our lives. If you were to focus on one area to give back in, what’s it going to be this year? Commit as deeply to this as the other areas in your life.

Maybe it could be to join a Not-For-Profit board?

7. What do you want to learn?

The most extraordinary leaders I know are people who never stop learning. They are humble and understand the world is changing at an extraordinary pace.

First define the what. Where do you want to grow, stretch and learn this year? If you could develop your own learning curriculum this year, what would it be?

Then think about the how. How will you learn what you want to learn? What books can you read? Are there any courses you can take? What conferences can you learn from? Which key skills do you want to learn and foster this year?

Get excited about what you can learn and how you can grow as a person and leader.

8. What relationships do you want to foster?

Relationships feed you – they can lift you up, inspire you, challenge you and support you. Yet, we are increasingly living in a lonely world. In today’s world, we’ve forgotten how to foster friendships with others.

Lately I’ve become really intentional about the relationships I’ve wanted to foster. Which ones energise me? Provide great insights? Challenge me? Nurture me?

Think about who makes up your community? Family, friends, networks, work colleagues and neighbours.

Be focused on the key relationships you would like to develop this year. Who can help you be the person you want to be? Will you reach out to a new mentor, create a mastermind group, attend a new conference to expand your networks. Foster your friendships?

This will take time. Devote time, energy, ideas and resources to develop these friendships. Make them fun. Make them meaningful. And they will create a life worth living.

9. How will you be inspired?

Inspire – the original latin definition means to breathe into. How do you breathe life into your existence?

What are the inspiration sources that help you stay energised and refreshed for the ups and downs for the year. How can you operationalise your inspiration sources so you can perform at an optimal level?

Inspiration is required on a consistent basis so think about the sources that energise you in life. What gives you energy and what drains your energy?

10. What amazing life adventures do you want to do this year?

Ok – now it’s time for a bit of fun.

Forget work, think about what is going to bring you joy and fun into your life. What life adventures could you have this year?

Think about what you’ve never done before! What’s something you could do for the very first time? It could be a new place to visit, a new hobby, a new friendship to cultivate?

Think about your fears – what are you avoiding? What gets the heart rate going? Life adventures can be a mental challenge as well as a physical one. What is one fear to conquer this year? What training and preparation could you do? Who could you enlist to help you? Give yourself a challenge.

Think about what brings you joy!

Let’s continue the conversation here. I’d love to know what 2020 will bring you!

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