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Self Reflection

RESET – Creating Your New Normal

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What an opportunity 2020 was to truly reflect on what’s important in our personal lives and collective society. Have you taken the time to reflect on how the global pandemic impacted your life? To make sense of it and to ask what it is teaching you?

The interruptions to how we live and work gave us a chance to experiment with our habits. Habits you may have intentionally developed for your life as well as the habits that emerge without you knowing. You know, habits like checking your social media first thing in the morning, staying up too late, eating too much fast food or checking email or news at all times of the day. These habits are not who you are or who you want to be.

I spoke to one CEO who really enjoyed the slower pace rather than racing from meeting to meeting. They reflected the pandemic had given them more time and space to think, to move more and connect with family.

If we can take away anything from this experience, it’s the opportunity to reset.  This is the time to make purposeful changes to your daily life.  To raise questions at work about how you work best!  This is the time to start carving those new grooves and living in a way that aligns more with your purpose and values.

 

Look at your Life

It starts by asking some of the big questions in life. What is important to me? What values do I hold dear? How do I want to show up in the world? Maybe you’ve done some of this thinking before and maybe you haven’t. Either way – it’s a good time!

Author, Brian Johnson suggests starting with three key domains in your life – energy, work and love to align your purpose and values to the everyday actions in your life.

  • Energy:  Without your health, you can’t show up fully for your work or life so your energy is foundational to living your best life.
  • Work:  Happy people have meaningful work serving a purpose greater than themselves.
  • Love:  Cultivating connection with family, friends and community has been shown time and time again to create enduring wellbeing in life.

So let’s look at those in-depth…

 

Domain 1: Energy – lighting you up!

The pandemic has caused a fair amount of physical and mental stress. It’s important to acknowledge this as it takes a hit on our energy levels ongoingly. Research has found people with high energy are happier people.

So how do you increase your energy? There are two key ways we can create energy in your life – physiologically and psychologically.

Physiological – Creating energy physiologically means the basics of life – how you move, eat and sleep. How would you rate on the basics? It wasn’t a surprise when the lockdown first hit, many people were extolling the importance of eating well, moving your body and getting enough sleep. That’s because it protects us from physical and mental illness!

But it’s so easy to see these things as getting in the way of what we really want to do in your life. They become a chores that need to be done. Dr Michelle Segar, in her book No Sweat, suggests we reframe these chores to instead seeing them as a gifts.

How?

Dr Segar suggests connecting exercise (or eating healthily or sleeping enough) with the short term benefits it brings to your life. That’s right, forget about vague promises that it’s good for your health and think about how it makes you feel today.

She also suggests focusing on the smallest improvements. For example, instead of trying to fit in our hour of rigorous exercise, she says make it a game to find OTM – Opportunities To Move throughout your day. She says – everything counts!

 

You may think that your day is crammed so full that you can’t fit in one more thing, but believe me: It’s not true. If you’ve got one minute, you’ve got time.”
Dr Michelle Segar, Author, No Sweat

 

Like finding a parking spot furtherest away from the supermarket, train station or workplace rather than the closest (you’ll be spoilt for choice!). Taking the stairs rather than the lift (easy way to avoid the crowds!). Taking a walk during your lunch break or while the kids are taking their music class or when meeting with a colleague. How many opportunities to move do you have in your day?

Psychological – You can also create energy psychologically too. I’m sure you’ve had the up and down of negative thoughts and emotions over the last few months. Recognising the emotions you are feeling, acknowledging them in the moment and realising they will pass are vital skills to manage the stress.

There are a number of scientifically validated mental tools to get you in the right frame of mind too, training your mental resilience through focus training, gratitude, confidence building and hope.

It starts by spending small moments thinking, talking or reflecting about what you are grateful for, what goals you have for the future, reframing mistakes and acting in integrity with your values. Setting habits to review what you are grateful for, your purpose, goals and values can help cultivate your mental strength and resilience to weather the highs and lows in life.

The more you move away from our values, the more you feel stressed and anxious in your life. Instead, aim for coherence between your purpose, values and goals and your everyday actions.

 

Domain 2: Work – serving the planet with your greatest strengths

What conditions help you to do your greatest work? Think about where prefer to work? What time do you have the greatest energy? What cues help you to focus? What gets you in the zone? This is what top companies obsess about – helping their people do their greatest work. What did you learn about this during lockdown?

Did you learn you work best from five to seven in the morning?
Did you learn you were most productive with less distractions around you?
Did you learn what triggers you into your most productive work?

What percentage of your work allows you to use your greatest strengths? Psychologist, Martin Seligman found using your strengths makes you more productive, happier and engaged at work! Are you making the best use of your greatest strengths?

The challenge becomes creating space and time to focus on your strengths deeply within your diary. In Cal Newport’s book, Deep Work, he suggests your ability to focus deeply at work is becoming increasing uncommon. Think – notifications, open plan working, back to back meetings or 24/7 email. Yet, this deep work is becoming more and more valuable in our economy.

 

The Deep Work Hypothesis: The ability to perform deep work is becoming increasingly rare at exactly the same time it is becoming increasingly valuable in our economy. As a consequence, the few who cultivate this skill, and then make it the core of their working life, will thrive.”
Cal Newport, Author, Deep Work

 

Your deep work is your life’s work. It’s building a body of work that makes you proud. We tend to overestimate what we can achieve in a day and underestimate what we can achieve in a year. So what is the focus for your next 12 months and how are you breaking that down and working towards it little by little every single day?

You can’t do eight hours of deep work every day though so Brian Johnson suggests you match your the energy levels to the type of work you want to do. You want to create rhythms to do your best (deep) work when you have your greatest energy and the oscillate your deep work time blocks with time with your team (team work) and then the monkey work (email, admin and so on) as well as some time to rest (don’t forget this too)!

 

Domain 3: Love – cultivating moments of connection

The pandemic has given many of us a huge wake up call about how much time we are spending with our loved ones. A recent newspaper article shared how many leaders had been able to reset during the lockdown, realising that events every night of the week was not only burning them out energy wise but slowly disconnecting them from their partner and children.

Clayton Christensen, Harvard professor and author of How will your Measure your Life? suggests we live in a culture that over invests in work and under invests in our close personal relationships.

 

The relationships you have with family and close friends are going to be the most important sources of happiness in your life. But you have to be careful. When it seems like everything at home is going well, you will be lulled into believing that you can put your investments in these relationships on the back burner. That would be an enormous mistake. By the time serious problems arise in those relationships, it often is too late to repair them.”
Clayton Christensen, Author, How Will you Measure your Life?

 

I’m not saying don’t focus on your work I’m saying actively take the time to cultivate the love in your life too! Career or business success can be super important, for sure, but it is not the only ‘capital’ you want to build in your life

Are you building a life which allows you to be the healthiest version of you?
Are you building a life which allows you to connect with your partner and children?
Are you building a life which allows you to be an active member in your community?

 

Time to RESET?

Undoubtedly, this pandemic has had immeasurable effects to our global world. This, on top of insane environmental, social, political and cultural challenges, has left many of feeling off kilter.

This was the gift of 2020. Not the year many of us might of imagined but a gift no less. Any opportunity to reset. An opportunity to re-imagine. An opportunity to reconnect. Are you making the most of this opportunity?

 

Want to join the Greater Good Collective? Launching 1 May

On 1 May, I’m launching the Greater Good Collective, a 3 month personal leadership journey to live and lead courageously to create a better world.

Check it out here to join us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Top 10 Books for 2020

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I believe in the transformative effects of books. Personally I’ve witnessed how a book can inspire a different perspective and move me to action. Are you making the most from the incredible knowledge we have at our fingertips?

Which books to read?

I’m an avid reader and yet, I still feel there is not enough time in the day to read as many books as I want.  So I have to be discerning with the books I read. I look closely for recommendations and I don’t stay around for long with books that don’t capture my attention.  Yes, often I’m dipping in and out of books too for the info I’m craving at that moment. I try to search for a range of books and throw fiction books into the mix too (although most of these recommendations are non fiction).

It’s like a fireside chat with an incredible mentor…

I love non-fiction books as it feels like you are getting personal mentoring from leaders from every part of the globe hearing about their research, influences, perspectives and ideas.  What a wonderful pleasure to be able to access their thinking and ideas.  Some are leadership focused and others are focused on mindset, personal transformation and rituals.

My top 10 book for 2020

Ok, so here are the parameters, I’ve limited this list to books that have come out in 2019 or 2020, not books that I’ve discovered that have been published before then (because that would be an even longer list). I’ve also tried very hard to keep it just to 10!

So within those constraints here are my favourite books for 2020.

Disclosure: This blog contains affiliate links.  I hope you enjoy the books that inspire me!

My first among equals pick goes to…

1. Manifesto for a Moral Revolution by Jacqueline Novogratz


How I would really love a real fireside chat with Jacqueline Novogratz!

Jacqueline Novogratz is a true pioneer of our times.  She is the founder of Acumen, a global community of socially and environmentally responsible partners dedicated to changing the way the world tackles poverty.  Wow – what an incredible aim!

How did she do it? She shares her own life journey in this book as well as many of the changemakers that Acumen has invested in over the years and I absolutely delighted in learning from her and their experiences.  It’s the type of book that inspires you to do better, think bigger and keep trying.

This is a super wise read. Her insight into creating systems change to empower our most disadvantaged fellow human beings brings to light just how important human dignity is.

If you are looking for leadership ideas and strategies to do good in the world, this book is an absolute MUST!

2. The Power of Ritual: Turning Everyday Activities Into Soulful Practices by Casper ter Kuile 


This was such a captivating read.

Author, Casper ter Kuile is a thoughtful and entertaining writer. This book is light yet deep.  It explores how we can add layers of meaning and connection into our lives which is suffering from disconnection, loneliness and ….  He explores how you can transform your daily habits into practices that create a sacred foundation for your life.  He explores four areas of connection – to self, to others, to the natural world and with the transcendent.

Casper has an intriguing background; he is a Ministry Innovation Fellow at Harvard Divinity School after growing up in a secular family in England!  He co-authored a white paper called How We Gather which explores the ways we come together in the modern world for life long endeavours to build community, seek purpose, be accountable and serve others.

3. Untamed by Glennon Doyle


This is the book we all needed in 2020. Glennon has such a down to earth tone about her that makes her reading accessible to everyone.

This book encourages us all to really trust our inner voice and stop adhering to the expectations of everyone else. Who would you be if you had full permission to truly live the life you want?  This book is a wake up – dig beyond your social conditioning and live life according to your rules.

With so many memorable metaphors that instantly become part of your vocabulary…you’re a cheetah and we can do hard things! This is the first book I’ve read of Glennon’s memoir series and I really enjoyed it.

4. Big Friendship by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman


Often when we explore relationships we are mostly talking about intimate relationships, family relationships or work relationships.  This book explores friendships!

Our close friendships can mean so much in our life but rarely do we delve into how we can foster these relationships over a long time. How do you overcome different life stages, geographic moves and more generally the ups and downs of life.

I loved reading this part-memoir of the author’s own friendship together, exploring the history of friendships and how we can make the most of our friendships in our lives.  It brought to my attention just how important these relationships are in my own life and how I can cultivate them more mindfully.  To all my big friends – thank you!

5. Be Fearless by Jean Case


Jean Case is the CEO of the Case Foundation (a philanthropic foundation supporting social entrepreneurs driving change) and also the first female Chairwoman of National Geographic Society in its 131 year history.

She shares her incredible experience working as and with changemakers, compiling the approaches and strategies to be fearless in your approach in transformational change.

I love the stories she shares, both of incredible changemakers from around the world as well as her own stories of how she lives her life.

6. Me and White Supremacy: How to Recognise Your Privilege, Combat Racism and Change the World by Layla Saad


This is a truly brilliant book.

I first came across Layla a few years ago following the conversations about race globally especially when her work was confronting white educators. This piqued my interest as a facilitator of programs working with people from diverse cultures and backgrounds including people of colour.

I love how she has set out this book as a 28-day challenge.  Make no mistake, each day is deeply confronting work, but this is the work we must do to overcome the white supremacy. White supremacy work is not just for unhinged fringe groups, everyday people like you and me must commit to it and share our part in a system we were born into to ensure we don’t continue it.

I love how Layla shares that she wrote this book to be a good ancestor  (how wise is this?!) and by reading this book, you do your part in being a good ancestor too.

7. Thriving Mind: How to cultivate a good life by Dr Jenny Brockis


This is the book we truly needed this year and that was even before COVID hit!

Now more than ever we need to focus on how to thrive in our modern life and Jenny has lots of practical strategies – backed by evidence based research – to help us do that. This book speaks directly to the challenges of modern living, loneliness, stress, lack of connection and mental health.

She writes about happiness and engaging all of our emotions, enhancing our energy, mood and resilience as well as harnessing the powers of connection and relationships.  I am really lucky to call Jenny a friend in real life and she is the real deal!

8. Humour, Seriously: Why humour is a superpower at work and in life by Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas


Both these authors are so interesting in their fields of study that I’m surprised I hadn’t come across them before.  Dr Jennifer Aaker is a behavioural psychologist, and Professor at Stanford Graduate School of Business, teaching courses on innovation, the power of storytelling and purpose. Naomi Bagdonas is a Stanford lecturer and a professionally trained comedian. She has designed and facilitated innovation workshops for the boards and leadership teams of Fortune 100 companies.

We have also experienced how humour can shift the feeling in different situations – make us relax, be vulnerable or make down barriers. Yet, this book really explores how it can be useful in a business context. Given our businesses are moving into the age of creating an experience for the customer (and our employees), I enjoyed being stretched to think about how I can use humour more. Full disclosure – I’m not the funniest person around but I definitely enjoy hanging with funny people.  This book really breaks it up and gives easy ways to start thinking and seeing the world in a humorous way!

9. Becoming by Michelle Obama


This memoir is pure delight to read.

Like many people, I adore how Michelle carries herself, standing as a role model in society.  It’s her character, her empathy, her intelligence and her ability that draws people to her.  It was a privilege to read more about her journey. Very inspiring.

This has been out for a little while now and it certainly is a chunky book, but beautiful stories that will lift your spirits for sure.

10. City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert


I want to finish my list with a fiction novel. I believe fiction can be just as insightful as non fiction. Just like my non fiction favourites, there have been novels I’ve read, seemingly just at the right time, that have changed my outlook on life.

I did get a chance to read a few novels this year including this absolutely superb book by Elizabeth Gilbert.  (Side note – Reese Witherspoon has a great online book club recommending mostly novels each month – check it out)  Being a theatre lover, I was in awe of the depth of research and understanding used to bring to life in a thoroughly entertaining way.  I love the themes and questions that she exposes in this book; the role and place of a woman, women’s sexuality and how we respond differently to men and women.

The characters and how they live their lives can definitely be confronting to the reader even 80 years after the period we are reading about!

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Of course, these were just my absolute favourites!  Something in me makes this such a hard blog post to publish because there are always so many other books worth reading and mentioning…RBG, David Attenborough, Barack Obama, Julia Gillard to name just a few. Maybe I’ll set different parameters next time and share my favourites within particular subjects such as leadership or diversity in the future.

An important realisation

You know, when you start to collate all the books you are reading and have read, you start to get an understanding of which voices you are listening to and perhaps, more importantly, which voices you aren’t hearing. I definitely like to read female stories and perspectives as well as perspectives that are going to challenge my point of view on the world. Looking at my own list, I’m keen to read some more Aboriginal authors in 2021 and found this fantastic list which will help me guide my choices!

Well that’s it for now. I would love to hear your top reads for 2020 too!

Get this Free Guide: 6 POWERFUL SECRETS TO FIND YOUR HIGHEST PURPOSE IN LIFE

The world needs more purpose-driven people. But where do you start?

This inspiring guide will give you powerful insights to find and refine your own purpose in life.
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How to make the most of your day

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How you spend your days is how you spend your life. Time is the ultimate currency. We spend it on what we deem important or interesting, but sometimes it feels like we don’t gain anything in the end. Either we wasted time mindlessly watching or scrolling, got bogged down by mandatory tasks, or struggled to achieve our best.

It’s easy to get frustrated or stressed when this happens, but the only way to solve the problem is to rethink how and where we direct our time and attention. Here’s how you can start to maximise your day and get more of a return from your time.

Making time

We each get 24 hours. You can’t make more time in a day, but maybe we can structure each day so we feel accomplished without a mad rush? In their book Make Time, Jake Knapp and John Zeratsky explain how you can slow down your day by carving out time for things you care about. Instead of doing more, you focus on things that will bring you a sense of satisfaction.

There are four steps to making time.

1. Highlight

Each morning choose a highlight, something that you want to focus on that day. Even if you have a day full of urgent tasks and long meetings, you should take 60-90 minutes for your highlight.

Adults spend an average of more than four hours watching TV or on social media each day, so most of us actually do have room for 60-90 minutes. Allowing your highlight to be the focal point of your day doesn’t take long, and it will give you something positive to look back on. Each day you will have done something important to you.

2. Laser

Avoid things that draw your attention away from your highlight. Distractions prevent you from entering a state of laser focus, so you get less of a pay-off for the time you are trying to spend on your highlight. Think about what chews up your attention when you are trying to work. Is it your smartphone, other people, background noise or discomfort? Once you’ve identified your distractions, use strategies like keeping your smartphone out of sight, putting in some headphones with white noise or choosing an environment to best suit your purpose.

3. Energise

Stick to daily habits that improve your physiological health. This includes eating nutritious foods, staying hydrated, being active and sleeping well. We can be quick to neglect our bodies as soon as stress piles on. Healthy habits become less of a priority, which is to the detriment of our ability to make the most of each day. When you maintain daily habits that keep your body functioning well, your mind is freed up to attend to other things. Not only can you be more productive but enjoy the rewarding feeling of having looked after yourself!

4. Reflect

Look back on each day and learn from it. Each day provides you with data—your energy levels, emotions, appetite, productivity, interactions etc.—and you can treat the next day like an experiment based on this information.

  • What factors could have been influencing you today?
  • How do you think they helped or hindered you?
  • What does this tell you about how you should approach tomorrow?

Taking this analytical stance is a very helpful technique to avoid feeling like your day was a total waste if things didn’t go as planned. There is always something to be learned!

Attention

Another vital part of getting the most out of your day is learning how to direct and restore your attention.

Attention restoration theory, developed by professors of environmental psychology, Rachel and Stephan Kaplan, gives us two modes of attention:  Directed attention and effortless attention, also called fascination.

The Kaplans point out that our directed attention mode becomes fatigued over time. This is why a long drive can be exhausting. Even though our bodies aren’t working hard, certain day-to-day tasks require a sustained effort to focus attention on one thing and shut out other distractions.

So, how can we first maintain directed attention well enough to complete work (even the boring stuff), then rest properly when the time comes? Resolve emotional turmoil through productive reflection

Author of Focus and Emotional Intelligence Daniel Goleman explains that emotional turmoil is one of the biggest challenges for people trying to direct their attention. It could be an upcoming event you are stressed about, a troubling relationship or any other personal problem. According to Goleman, productive reflection is the best way to get over this hurdle and regain control of your attention.

Productive reflection means stopping, reflecting and resolving those thoughts that keep creeping in and distracting you rather than letting them continue to stew. These thoughts draw our attention because we know they need to be dealt with through action or simply processing their emotional impact. Give it a go if you find yourself struggling to be attentive; is there something that might be causing you emotional turmoil? What is the best way to move past this?

Use your rest time wisely to really rejuvenate

Do you go straight to screens when you have time to rest, watching TV and movies, scrolling social media?

Even though it doesn’t require any effort to pay attention to a TV show, spending rest time on screens will actually do nothing to reduce mental fatigue. You may be resting your body, but your mind is fully occupied for hours on end.  This is called hard fascination.

Attention restoration theory tells us that there are two types of fascination: hard fascination and soft fascination. Neither states require much effort to sustain, however, hard fascination takes up all of your mental bandwidth.

On the other hand, soft fascination leaves room for reflection and contemplation. This is necessary for your mind to unwind and restore after a period of directed attention. Thoughts are able to arise and settle during rest times instead of work times.

Natural environments are recognised as a wonderful source of soft fascination as they effortlessly hold our attention while leaving room for other mental processes. Natural environments are a perfect setting for rest time because they are accessible, extensive and separate from workspaces.

Next time you feel mentally fatigued, rest by walking through a garden or park, going to a river or beach, or even just looking out the window for a few minutes! This is going to allow your attentional abilities to restore which is going to make the most of your rest time and improve your productivity later.

In Summary

Sometimes it feels like we just need an extra hour or two in the day to feel satisfied with what we can get done, but that’s never going to happen. Instead, we just need to be conscious of how the use of our time influences how we feel about each day.

Your steps to maximising your day are:

  1. Set your highlight
  2. Eliminate distractions from your highlight
  3. Take care of your body
  4. Learn from each day
  5. Allow yourself to deal with emotional turmoil
  6. Rest effectively

These are all choices you can make throughout your day that will add up. Challenge yourself to make more of a return on your time and feel more satisfied at the end of each day!

Get this Free Guide: 6 POWERFUL SECRETS TO FIND YOUR HIGHEST PURPOSE IN LIFE

The world needs more purpose-driven people. But where do you start?

This inspiring guide will give you powerful insights to find and refine your own purpose in life.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Choosing your Best Emotional Response

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Want to carve out time and space for thinking and reflection in 2020? Join me once a month online for 90 minutes for reflection, inspiration and connection. Our next gathering is on the 28 April and you can use the coupon bemyguest to try it for free for the first time. Or better yet, commit to growing your reflection muscle by registering for all the 2020 Alyceum Live gatherings here.

 

Emotions are contagious! 

Which is why it is so important to understand how we process them especially when we are leading others. Our emotional brain seeks cues from the people around us.  So, once we begin to know our emotions and patterns of behaviour, the next stage in practicing emotional intelligence is learning how to manage ourselves. 

Consequential thinking is a great tactic to begin processing emotions in a constructive way.

Applying consequential thinking takes three easy steps:

 

  1. Pause: Give your body time to register the emotion.
  2. Evaluate: Compare this scenario to your intrinsic goals.
  3. Respond: Act with intention rather than reacting.

Consequential thinking can vastly help in reducing internal and interpersonal conflicts as it steers us away from behavioural patterns that breed stress, tension and uncertainty. Does this sound familiar in your workplace?

A leader who calmly overcomes disagreements and challenges will be better for their team than a manager who is challenged by their emotions.

It can help in the following ways:

  • Less tension and conflict standing in the way of performance.
  • Constant team building and trust.
  • A safe environment that allows new ideas to flourish.

Dealing with fear and anger

Stress-causing emotions such as fear and anger can have consequences for our health, taking years off our life expectancy and diminishing its quality. However, fear and anger are inevitable parts of our professional lives, so they should not be suppressed or viewed as weak either.  This will only lead to the escalation of these feelings.  These emotions arise when our emotional brain perceives a threat, so let’s try to decode them.

Fear

“Fear is a question: What are you afraid of, and why? Just as the seed of health is in illness, because illness contains information, your fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if you explore them.”– Marilyn Ferguson, Author

As Marilyn says in the quote above, feelings of fear are inevitable just like sickness.  The same way our immune system learns how to deal with an illness, we can learn about our fears and the best way to approach them.  Firstly, when experiencing fear, we need to know ourselves well enough to discern whether the ‘threat’ is coming from our internal or external environment….

Internal environment examples

  • Past negative experiences.
  • Personal insecurities.
  • Unrelated influences (family, lifestyle, etc.) causing a negative mindset.

External environment examples

  • Potential problems that need to be pre-emptively dealt with.
  • Choices that do not align with our goals.
  • Challenges we are not prepared for.

Think about it for you – when was the last time you experienced fear?  Where was the fear coming from? 

Regardless of the source, fear is leading us to identify what stands in the way of achieving our goals.  It is a very useful tool and we have no choice but to use it!

Anger

Just as fear is giving us hints about what stands in our way, anger tells us that we want to act on an obstacle. We might be less likely to act on fear, as a common expression of fear is backing away from a problem. However, anger can cause us to react too quickly and make things worse.

Moderation is key to stopping anger from escalating into a crisis – yes, that’s right, stop, take a breath, go for a walk, drink a glass of water or anything that allows you to pause and take a break.  This is the time to consider the consequences of the actions you are considering – but don’t get me wrong, you won’t want to do this!!

A helpful exercise – Body, mind, heart scan

A body, mind, heart (BMH) scan is a useful meditative exercise for identifying, analysing and proceeding with emotions productively. Paying attention to these three areas will improve our emotional intelligence and capacity to deal with fear and anger.

Body: what physical sensations are you feeling, and where?

Mind: what are your thought patterns? Where is your attention focused?

Heart: what are some of the feelings you are having?

In summary…

The effects of our emotions on others cannot be overstated.  All people, especially leaders, need to be aware of the consequences of their feelings and expressions on the people around them.

Difficult emotions like fear and anger are, in fact, telling us really important information about the situation.  It is not the emotion that should be avoided, rather the crises that they are warning us about.  Being able to observe our own emotions rather than succumb fully to them is what you want to practice.

Emotions, health and performance are all interconnected: positive emotions improve performance and health, negative emotions can hinder performance and health. These relationships continue to reinforce each other without intervention so let’s think about what emotional state we want to aim for and how we can cultivate in our personal and professional lives!

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10 Personal Challenges to Make the Most of 2020

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Want to carve out time and space for thinking and reflection in 2020? Join me once a month online for 90 minutes for reflection, inspiration and connection. Our next gathering is on the 28 January and you can use the coupon bemyguest to try it for free for the first time. Or better yet, commit to growing your reflection muscle by registering for all the 2020 Alyceum Live gatherings here.

 

So it’s at this time of the year, we are pondering how to make the most of the year ahead. What habits can stay and which ones need to go! As James Clear says in his book, Atomic Habits, “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”

The fascinating realisation is you choose who you want to be. Every action you take is a step forward in a direction. Which path do you want to take? In today’s blog post we are exploring small actions, habits and mindsets to make the most of 2020! Here’s my top ten personal challenges!

1. GOALS – Make a bucket list of 100 goals you’d like to achieve in your lifetime

So first – let’s get clear on what we want to do with our lives. Can you list 100 goals that you’d like to achieve in your lifetime? This is often called a bucket list. Think about life as experiences – what experiences would you like to have?

Salsa dancing? African adventure? Learn french? Be part of a book club?

How often do you step back and think about this? We are creatures of comfort, and our operating mode would rather just do things similar to last time then explore something new. So we have to continually push ourselves to explore new things!

If you struggle with creating your 100 – think about certain themes in your life, for example, what’s 10 travel goals, what’s 10 hobbies you would like to try, what’s 10 goals you could do with friends, what’s 10 things you like to learn more about?

2. ATTENTION – Reclaim your attention

In the world we live in – this is a HUGE one. Make 2020 the year you reclaim your attention.

Social media, app notifications, emails – these modern day conveniences erode your attention and willpower. How much time do you spend on your phone? How many times are you distracted with a notification? What do you do when you first wake up in the morning or straight before you go to bed at night?

Some of the biggest technology companies in the world are becoming world experts in developing addictions! This is not good for us for many reasons, it trains our brains to look for distract instead of concentrating, and we avoid every moment to be bored.

Why is that such a bad thing, you ask?

Bored can actually be useful. In Manoosh Zomorodi’s book, Bored and Brilliant, she explores the benefits of bored, saying that it can be an incubator lab for brilliance!

In the book, she explores 7 challenges, here are a couple of you.

First challenge is just to observe yourself. Count how many times you reach for your phone, head to instagram or get distracted by a notification. Often your phones can now record this information too. The results might be surprising.

Another challenge is to keep your devices while in motion. If you’re walking, in the car, or meeting with someone, keep your phone out of reach.

Better yet, another challenge is to delete the app that you’re most addicted to off your phone!

The point is, you set intentions and boundaries about how you want to live your life. How you spend your days, are how you spend your life. Just 25 minutes a day can equal to 2 years of your life!

Think of the time you could regain in your life and put it towards achieving one of your 100 goals instead!

3. RESILIENCE – Take a cold shower

Hate the cold? That’s the whole point! If you want to build your sense of resilience, you need to do the things you hate. You can start with the act of taking a cold shower.

Cold exposure has been shown to have numerous health benefits such as improving your immune system, decreasing depression or help with weight loss – which is really great, but not the reason why we are doing it.

The simple act of having a cold shower helps develop our ability to deal with discomfort. The more we practice dealing with discomfort, the more everyday annoyances won’t bother us anymore. We practice with cold showers so we can build our courage for the important moments in life that are uncomfortable.

4. COURAGE – Be Bold and push your comfort zones every day

“Do one thing every day that scares you.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

So the cold showers are building our courage – now it’s time to push out of those comfort zones and be bold.

Make a list of the boldest moves you could make this year. Think about the things that really scare you. Reaching out to that person who you admire, attending a conference, speaking in front of an audience, taking on a physical challenge, trying a new hobby.

Dr Stan Beechman, author of Elite Teams writes that fear is keeping you from reaching your potential. Conquering fear should be your primary goal in life.

What fears do you have?

What courageous acts will move you forward? Saying yes. Saying no. Making that phone call. Speaking up at that meeting. Taking that new class. Setting that goal.

Make that bravery list and pick them off each month! Fortune favours the bold!

5. RELATIONSHIPS – Find people who inspire you

Crowd your life with people who inspire you.

You can start easily with books and podcasts. Then find meet ups, events or communities. Invest time in developing the relationships in your life.

Friendships take time and effort. In the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Jeffrey Hall, professor of Communication Studies, suggested that it’s all about time we invest. His results showed that it takes 40 to 60 hours to form a casual friendship, 80 to 100 hours to be upgraded to being a friend, and about 200 hours to become “good friends”

Let’s start clocking up the time who bring out the best in us!

6. GIVING – Find ways to give back

There are so many ways we can play our part in creating a better world – we can give our money, time, expertise or resources. Stand up for something. Recognise the challenges in our world and do something about it. Get informed. Get together with others and get doing something different because of it.

Our world needs change makers. You can be that change maker.

What’s a cause that is truly meaningful to you? Perhaps it get that fire in your belly – gets you angry or annoyed. Dedicate some time in 2020 supporting this cause, either through your time, money, expertise or resources.

Perhaps 2020 is the year, you find your first community board position?

7. SELF AWARENESS – Create a list of journalling questions

Michael Gelb in his book, Think like Da Vinci explores the habits and rituals of the great Leonardo Da Vinci. In his one short life time, Leonardo Da Vinci was a creative, a scientist, a town planner and an inventor to name a few. Da Vinci journaled about everything – his ideas, his learning, his findings and more.

A list of 100 questions is like your curiosity list. Start by writing down a question that you can ponder in your journal.

  • Am I in the right job or career?
  • How can I use my strengths more everyday?
  • What does love look like to me?
  • How can I be fearless?

Just keep brainstorming questions until you get to 100 – try to do this in one sitting! Then review your list and group them into patterns or similarities. Once you’ve done that, see if you can choose 10 power questions to keep handy when you are journalling.

You can never again have the excuse….but I don’t know what to journal about!

8. STRENGTHS – Spend time honing your superpowers

Do you truly understand, foster and utilise your strengths?

Your innate talents combined with your knowledge and skills, creates your strengths. These are your superpowers.

Focus on building mastery in your areas of strength. Are you a technical expert, a connector, an entrepreneur, a pace setter? Whatever you are, double down on your areas of strength.

“We fail to realize that mastery is not about perfection. It’s about a process, a journey. The master is the one who stays on the path day after day, year after year. The master is the one who is willing to try, and fail, and try again, for as long as he or she lives.”
~ George Leonard from Mastery

In what ways, can you keep on the path of mastery in 2020?

9. FOCUS – Break up with complaining

Why not make 2020 the year that you stop complaining!

Do you enjoy a good complain? I think everyone does. But how much do you do it everyday? It can be quite surprising how easily we can fall into complaining all the time!

Time to break the habit.

Will Bowen, author of A Complaint Free World came up with a simple challenge….

“Begin to wear the bracelet on either wrist. When you catch yourself complaining, gossiping, or criticizing, move the bracelet to the other wrist.

If you hear someone else who is wearing a purple bracelet complain, it’s okay to point out their need to switch the bracelet to the other arm; BUT if you’re going to do this, you must move your bracelet first! Because you’re complaining about their complaining.

Stay with it. It may take many months to reach 21 consecutive days. The average is 4 to 8 months.”
What a challenge!

Why should we kick the complaining habit? There are many reasons:

  • Complaining induces our stress response which is not good for our brains.
  • Complaining makes it hard to see the possibilities and open our minds.
  • Pessimists report worse physical and mental health than optimists.

This is a great challenge to first be aware of how much you complain and then complete the challenge to erase it from your conversation.

10. VISION – Don’t just thinking about 2020, let’s think about the whole decade ahead!

Instead of thinking about where you want to be and do in 2020, why not think about where you want to be in 2030? What age will you be? What will you be doing?

Commit to the long term. We are a very short term-focused society, we like things instantly. Have you noticed?

Peter Diamandis, author of Bold, bucks the trend here with his challenge – what’s your 25-year commitment? He says, imagine publicly making a 25 year commitment to something you’re passionate about?

There is great power in this type of long term thinking to make a greater impact in our lives and in society. So what’s your 25 year commitment?

Well that’s it – my top 10 challenges to help you improve your 2020 and beyond. What do you think?

If you want to improve your ability to reflect and engage with a good dose of monthly inspiration and connection, then I invite you to join my Alyceum Live online gatherings. Join us here for a free taster (FIRST TIME GUESTS ONLY) on the 28 January using the coupon bemyguest. Or better yet, commit to growing your reflection muscle by registering for all the 2020 Alyceum Live gatherings here.

Self reflection and journaling for leadership

by

I’m often asked what young leaders can do to improve their leadership, confidence and teamwork. And for me, I would always recommend a habit that many leaders love to hate! Not many of us, in the fast paced, increasingly noisy, anxiety driven world that we live in can handle sitting quietly for 5, 10 or 15 minutes a day with the aim of thinking about our own thoughts and behaviours. Self reflection is something we all have access to. You can get started with the simplest notepad and pen.

The results of ongoing self reflection are impressive. It’s definitely worth taking note! But do you have the discipline?

Why self reflection is important for leaders

Self reflection gives you time and space to consider your actions and beliefs for the benefit of learning. It’s a way of documenting what’s happening around you and using this understanding to create meaning for the purpose of learning.

It’s a stop. A pause. A breath. Amongst all the busyness, action and noise. To observe yourself and others, to create understanding, plans and meaning for the future.

It’s an opportunity to stand back for a moment and observe yourself. It’s a brilliant quality in successful leaders – their ability to observe their own behaviour – almost as if it was another person. Most people will do it after a meeting, event or interaction. Super-practiced leaders learn to self-observe in each moment.

But it’s simple enough to begin after a meeting, event or an interaction. You can consider questions such as:

“How would other people perceive my actions?”

“How did I participate in that team meeting?”

“How did I show up?”

“How did I react and answer questions from others?”

“Was I open to the ideas and discussion or did I shut the conversation down?”

Self reflection is a skill like anything else, so it does take practice.

Ask good questions

Many people are almost scared to sit in front of a blank piece of paper and wonder what to write about. It is a common barrier to journalling.

A simple way to start is to brainstorm questions to ask yourself. They could to be the same questions that you use every day, week or month to consider. You can also include exploratory questions to get you thinking and being creative.

A great daily question, which was highlighted in the book, Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being by Dr Martin Seligman, can be as simple as:

“What went well today and why?”

Other daily questions could be:

“Did I accomplish what I set out to do today?”

“What did I learn from today?”

“What are my priorities?”

Ask questions to inspire possibilities, creativity and insights

In Think Like Da Vinci by Michael Gelb, he shares that Leonardo Da Vinci used notebooks to record everything! From ideas, impressions, observations and thoughts from scholars he admired, jokes and fables, philosophical musings and prophecies, pens for inventions, painting and doodling to personal finance records and letters. Seven thousand pages of Da Vinci’s notebooks existed. Michael Gelb shares that we can develop our sense of curiosity through journalling.

He suggests the 100 questions exercise. Create a list of 100 questions that you could muse on. It could be about anything. How to have more fun? How to love more? What is the meaning of life?

Create this list in one sitting and quickly. When you’ve finished your list, he suggests you review your list for themes and then find the top ten questions that intrigue you and pique the most interest. Use this as the basis of your journalling practice.

Here are the top ten questions Michael Gelb suggests as a catalyst for personal growth and fulfilment:

“When am I most naturally myself? What people, places, and activities allow me to feel most fully myself?”

“What’s one thing I could stop doing, start doing, or do differently, starting today that would most improve the quality of my life?”

“What is my greatest talent?”

“How can I get paid for doing what I love?”

“Who are my most inspiring role models?”

“How can I best be of service to others?”

“What is my heart’s deepest desire?”

“How am I perceived by: my closed friend, my worst enemy, my boss, my children, my co-workers, etc?”

“What are the blessings of my life?”

“What legacy would l like to leave?”

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Many strategies for journalling

Asking questions of yourself is an easy way to start but there are other options too. Many highly productive people have also used a technique from Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way called Morning Pages.

Morning Pages is simply three pages of long hand, stream-of-consciousness writing first thing in the morning. The idea is to pick up the pen and not to put it down until you have done your three pages. You write whatever is in your head, even if you start off with writing…I don’t know what to write!

The purpose of morning pages, Julia says, is “once we get those muddy, maddening, confusing thoughts [nebulous worries, jitters, and preoccupations] on the page, we face our day with clearer eyes.”

Writing online vs writing by hand

A common question when it comes to journalling is:

“Should I hand write it or can I just type away on the computer?”

Some people might find it easier to journal on the computer – Google docs, WordPress, Medium or even Microsoft Word give you easy ways to type away your thoughts and reflections. Not to mention an easy way to store your thoughts and reflections!

But there are potential downsides of digital journalling. It may just too easy to click over to Facebook or your latest email that pops into your inbox. We spend so much time in front of screens these days that any opportunity to take habits offline might be worth considering.

There are also many benefits to writing by hand. Loads of studies have shown the diverse benefits of handwriting in relation to memory, creativity, learning and expressing ideas.

There is something satisfying about opening up and using a nicely bound journal. It’s personal, it’s therapeutic, and it may make you feel like a writer in the 1920’s in Paris!

I’m going to let you decide which one works for you. I want you to think about which one you will actually do. The journalling practice (whether it’s on a computer or not) is the one you do!! Will typing make it easier for you? Or are you keen to explore the benefits of handwriting?

Making it a Habit

So how do you make it a habit that you stick to? It’s all about the routines you use! Here are a couple of ideas for you to mix and match to find what might work best for you.

Last 10 minutes of your work day
Before you go to bed
Every Sunday night
A day once a quarter

When can you schedule it in? Is there another habit you can pair up with journalling? Self awareness is such a foundational skill for any leader. Self reflection and journalling will help your self awareness soar!

Now over to you: Let me know how you go with it in my Facebook group, Alyceum Leaders – I’d love to hear from you!