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Igniting Leaders, Inspiring Revolutions

skills

Don’t be triggered

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We have all experienced a moment when your anger, annoyance or frustration has taken over and you’ve said something at a meeting that, on reflection, you wish you hadn’t. Has this happened to you? It’s definitely happened to me!

The reason these outbursts can happen to the best of us is simple psychology.

We all have a part of our brain that is responsible for our emotions—the limbic system—and another that is responsible for problem-solving, planning and consequential thinking—the frontal lobe. The amygdala is the part of the limbic system that makes you react instinctively to your emotions which is something humans have developed to avoid harm. Unfortunately, when we get angry, it is very easy for the amygdala to overpower the frontal lobe, leading us to have an outburst.

Clearly this reaction is not the best course of action, but in a moment of anger, annoyance or frustration, there is no reasoning! So how can we get past that initial instinct to react? Read on for a simple, yet effective strategy to banish that embarrassed, regretful feeling forever.

Consequential thinking is the antidote to mindless, reactionary behaviour that prevents people from reaching their leadership potential. It’s described as ‘evaluating the costs and benefits of your choices’ developed by Six Seconds, a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to improving the emotional intelligence of people.

How to practice consequential thinking

This model involves pausing for a few seconds, evaluating your situation and choosing to respond in a way that is best for you. In doing this, we are letting the instinct to react subside and allowing ourselves time to think.

Consequential thinking is about connecting your everyday behaviours to who you really want to be as a person and leader and to make choices every day that take you in the right direction.

Let’s break down those three steps.

1. Pause

Allow your emotion to occur without taking any action. For how long? Six seconds! Emotions are molecules and this is how long it takes for them to run their course in your brain and body before they are reabsorbed.

2. Evaluate

Question why you are feeling this way. What is the best possible result of your actions in this situation? How can you tailor your response to get to that result?

3. Choose your response

Respond now that you have thought through the consequences of your behaviour for yourself and others.

How can consequential thinking help you become a better leader?

1. Know your values

Consequential thinking forces you to clarify your values. What matters to you in life? Is it kindness, equality, connection or critical thinking? It can be daunting to acknowledge what you really value in your life and career, especially if it feels out of reach. However, this desire is something that will continuously motivate you and lead you to smarter decision-making.

Often when something annoys us, it is signalling something that is important to us. When we pause, we can think about what that important thing is that our emotion is pointing to. When you realise your values, it becomes much easier to see the consequences of your actions clearly. There is an obvious link between your behaviour and where it will lead you. Think about your actions over the past day, week or month. Do they align with your values?

2. Better relationships

Consequential thinking helps you enhance your relationships. Your behaviour as a professional
is what determines how others perceive you—whether they want to work with you or not.

Imagine someone in your team makes a mistake. As a leader you have two choices: react immediately or pause and calmly deliver constructive feedback. Think about which choice is more likely to prevent that mistake from happening again. Which choice is more likely to build a trusting, positive relationship?

Having positive professional relationships is beneficial for everyone: you won’t gain a reputation for having a bad temper and others will trust you more as a leader or a peer.

3. Dealing with challenging emotions

Consequential thinking helps you in those moments of explosive emotions. We all experience challenging emotions in difficult times from feelings of insecurity, to constant time pressures, to frustration and disappointment. No one gets to where they want to be without hard days and setbacks. What’s important is how you deal with the emotions that come along with these challenges.

Challenging emotions are inevitable. Once you reach the top of your field you are not suddenly immune to them. Luckily, they are a great guide if you know how to listen to them and act accordingly. You can apply consequential thinking–pausing for six seconds, remembering your values–to deal with challenging emotions. Holding your driving force in mind is a great way to better understand why you feel certain things.

When you pause to think about what is driving you, your values, you can better understand the anger and complete the task more efficiently. Having a better awareness of this emotion is going to allow you to deal with it properly, rather than letting it simmer and potentially blowing up at someone else.

In Summary

Consequential thinking is a key tool for your leadership toolbox. It challenges you to clarify what’s important to you, pause and act with consideration rather than being overtaken by challenging emotions and act with intention instead.

Warning – this strategy requires practice! Do you know where I find the better practice ground…with family. No one will know how to push your buttons better than your three-year-old son or your loving little sister! Yes, practicing this technique is not just limited to the workplace but can be used at home too.

Creating Inclusive Leaders

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In an ever-changing, diverse world, organisations require leaders to look beyond traditional ideas and frameworks to shape leadership expectations. Leaders, without consideration and reflection, can often gravitate toward people that reflect their own personality, values and opinions. With diversity becoming a developing trend, organisations are now looking for teams with people from varied backgrounds, personal experiences, personalities, and ideas. With diverse teams comes the need for diverse and inclusive leaders.

But what does it mean to be inclusive? And how do you foster inclusivity in an organisation? Inclusion requires people to feel respected by and connected to the organisation and their colleagues, feel able to contribute to wider discussions, and feel able to progress within the organisation. Diversity refers to the mixture of different people and identities coming together in an organisation. 

A report published in 2016 by Deloitte outlines “The six signature traits of inclusive leadership: Thriving in a diverse new world”. From 2011, they recorded and interviewed over a thousand global leaders, consulted experts and researchers in the field of inclusive leadership, and interviewed over 1500 employees about inclusion in the workplace around the world.

So what are the key traits you need to be an inclusive leader? 

They are:

  1. Commitment
  2. Courage
  3. Cognisance of bias
  4. Curiosity
  5. Cultural Intelligence
  6. Collaboration

Let’s explore those further.

1. Commitment – Are you dedicated to diversity?

Being a more inclusive leader requires you to be committed to diversity. This is not only in the interest of the organisation you work for, but because it aligns with your personal values. Fostering diversity doesn’t happen overnight; it requires a lot of time, energy, and hard work.

The combination of your own personal experiences with diversity and inclusion in the workplace and the rational argument from a business perspective shows your commitment to fostering diversity and inclusion in your workplace.

So how can you show your commitment to diversity as a leader?

  • Put yourself in situations where you are working with people with different backgrounds to you.
  • Take the time to read and listen to diverse information sources
.
  • Highlight that fostering diversity and inclusion in the workplace is a top business and personal priority and encourage everyone to join the learning journey
.
  • Talk about what inclusivity and diversity look like within your organisation and invite different opinions.
  • Ensure your workplace practices and processes are improving diversity and inclusivity in your workplace.

2. Courage – Are you ready to speak up?

Being an inclusive leader requires you to challenge your organisation, its practices, others, and yourself. It takes bravery to challenge entrenched organisational practices and frameworks, but doing so will mean your organisation has the chance to become more diverse. Being able to challenge others and recognise your own limitations also takes courage. This humility will help you listen to different perspectives and overcome your own limitations.

Have you got the courage to be an inclusive leader?

How can you be a more courageous leader?

  • Reflect often on the biases and weaknesses that arise in your own behaviour and be willing to call them out.
  • Seek the advice and help of others to rise above your limitations, and acknowledge when you have made an error.
  • Encourage your team to respectfully identify when biases may be occurring in the team. Emphasize this is a learning journey for all. Make it safe for everyone to make mistakes and learn.
  • Question and dispute normative organisational values, processes and frameworks that encourage non-inclusive practices.

3. Cognisance of Bias – Are you aware of your blind spots?

Being an inclusive leader requires you to be aware of your organisation’s biases and of your own personal biases. These biases can range from unconscious bias, favouritism, confirmation bias, group-think, and attribution error. In order to improve the diversity within your organisation, you must develop your self-awareness and be prepared to act.

So how do you overcome personal and organisational biases?

  • Identify when you are most prone to your personal biases and organisational biases.
  • Take note of when organisational biases take over your better judgement during stressful situations or processes, e.g. recruitment processes.
  • Ask for feedback or more opinions when making or reflecting on key decisions.
  • Adapt processes to ensure that personal biases do not influence decisions about others.
  • Ensure transparency in decision-making processes, such as recruitment practices, and provide clear explanations to those affected by these decisions.

4. Curiosity – Do you have a thirst for knowledge?

To be an inclusive leader, you must constantly desire to learn and keep improving! To improve the organisation’s diversity, you must be open to different perspectives and to areas of knowledge that you are not personally familiar with. Asking questions and attentively listening to colleagues can help you understand multiple perspectives on issues that your organisation must deal with. This also means you have to be prepared for perspectives that can be vague and indefinite.

So how can you be more curious?

  • Do not be quick to judge those who hold different perspectives to you. Listen to what they have to say, and dig into understanding their perspectives.
  • Express your desire and openness to learning about new perspectives and ideas.
  • Ask for multiple perspectives from diverse people about choices or decisions to be made.
  • Anticipate change and actively encourage different ways of thinking. This can lead to opportunities to connect with diverse others.

5. Cultural Intelligence – how do you communicate with people from other cultures?

What exactly is cultural intelligence? This particular quality of an inclusive leader requires you to recognise how your personal experiences affect your perspective of the world. You must learn to look past stereotypes and be confident in your cross-cultural communications.

Cultural intelligence (CQ) is divided into four categories; motivational CQ, cognitive CQ, metacognitive CQ, and behavioural CQ.

  • Motivational CQ concerns how interested and enthusiastic a leader is in learning and developing cross-cultural communications.
  • Cognitive CQ concerns how much a leader knows about traditional norms, values, and stereotypes surrounding another culture.
  • Metacognitive CQ concerns how consciously aware of culture a leader is during communications with people from another culture.
  • Behavioural CQ concerns how appropriately a leader uses verbal and non-verbal cues when communicating with another culture.

So how can you become more culturally-intelligent?

  • Take the time to learn about other cultures, and create opportunities to do so.
  • Be prepared when leading a culturally-diverse team. This will include learning about individual members and their backgrounds, and changing how you approach certain situations or decisions.
  • Be open in your body language and succinct in your word use when communicating with
    people from different cultures and backgrounds.
  • Recognise your personal flaws and biases towards cultural stereotypes and differences.
  • Actively reflect and question your predisposed ideas about different cultures.

6. Collaborative – how well do you work with others?

Contemporary organisations require you to harness your team’s total intelligence to get to work, rather than individually strive to complete projects. In a team, you are more likely to meet and work with people who have completely different backgrounds, and maybe even opposing ideas to your own. The challenge here is to listen, be solutions-focused, and encourage independent, self-directed thought and debate.

How can you be a more collaborative leader?

  • Create an environment where team members will take responsibility and hold themselves accountable for mistakes they have made.
  • Ensure no one is left out of conversations or group discussions and activities. You should cultivate a safe and respectful environment so that your team members feel safe to speak up and discuss ideas.
  • Ask for feedback and questions about project progress from other team members.

In summary

Being inclusive is a non-negotiable. This gives us all a great opportunity to be learners and take our leadership skills to the next level.

Check out this link for the full Deloitte report. For further information about being a more
inclusive leader, check out this link to the SPACE2 Model developed by Include-Empower.
Where do you think you need to improve as a leader? Can you see yourself developing and
implementing the ideas we have discussed? I would love your feedback!

Ready to step into your full leadership potential?

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15 WAYS TO FIND AN NFP BOARD POSITION
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Beyond the skills set – how to pitch your value to a board

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We’ve missed the mark with board director recruitment. Boards who only look for particular skill sets are missing the true value of a board director.

Anyone can have skills – the most important or highly sought-after directors bring skills as a non-negotiable.

But what makes them revered as a board director is the mindset they bring beyond their skills set. It’s their ability to lift the culture, demand excellence, and go above and beyond. They don’t wait to be asked to do things (they don’t need managing). They just see what needs to be done and do it!

Awhile ago, I came across a great blog post about the characteristics of exceptional board directors. What I liked about it was it went beyond the usual skill sets to identify the value that exceptional board directors bring to the table.

They listed five archetypes of exceptional board directors. And in my experience, they are pretty on point. The five archetypes, including a short description from the original blog, are:

The Pensive Sage

“The Pensive Sage actively listens more than he speaks. They look for ways to think about issues differently. They ask good questions to ensure thoughtful debate. And when they make a point, it counts.”

The Trusted Advisor

“The Trusted Advisor invests significant time with the CEO outside the boardroom, building trust. They serve as a sounding board, providing a safe space for the CEO to express frustrations, share concerns, or test ideas.”

The Opportunity Seeker

“The Opportunity Seeker looks for problems to solve, and acts. They are eager to apply their time, talent, and treasure to advance the organization. They lift burdens off of the Chief Executive and make them their own. The Opportunity Seeker often contributes more outside the boardroom than in it.”

The Technical Expert

“The Technical Expert acts as an issue spotter, quality assurance provider, and sounding board on areas within her expertise.”

The Pace Setter

“The Pace Setter raises the performance of other board members through excellent board service. They shape the culture of the board by modeling a high standard of contribution. The Pace Setter makes it uncomfortable to be disengaged and, in doing so, positively influences the overall contribution of his colleagues around the boardroom.”

So what?

When I’m coaching professionals to seek board positions, I encourage them to go well beyond the skills they might bring and describe the value. The archetypes add clarity to the value of exceptional board directors. So often we might just default to the technical expert (and perhaps a director who can bring in funds) as the only valuable type of board director.

This is so outdated.

It’s also highly unlikely that we are all five archetypes. What is your boardroom archetype? Get self reflective of the archetype you are (and confirm that others see you like this too) and go deep in this value.

Self Reflective Steps

1. Reflect on your natural archetype – this looks at your team and leadership behaviours. It looks at how you support the organisation to progress.

2. Be brave and get feedback from others on whether they see you as this. Yes, self awareness! Make sure that your perceptions of yourself and the perceptions of others are similar.

3. Consider ways to go deep in the value you can provide. How can you become a truly exceptional board director and make sure your input and actions are relevant, considered, and connected?

Boards, especially of community organisations, are such a privilege to contribute to. We, as board directors, have to ensure that we are performing.

Ready to step into your full leadership potential?

GET THE FREE GUIDE:
15 WAYS TO FIND AN NFP BOARD POSITION
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Be More Productive with this One Key Skill

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Imagine if I could give you a magic pill that had the ability to make you happier, healthier, foster stronger relationships, enhance your career, deal with stress and conflict and even help you live longer – would you take it? Of course, right? What if I told you, you could have access to all these things without a pill?

How?

It is all about strengthening your willpower.

What is willpower?

Simply, it is the ability to decide and initiate action. It’s about being able to control your impulses and decide on the most empowered action you can take. How good are you at controlling your attention, emotions and actions?

Ok, I agree it’s not easy in the world we live in. The reality is that we live in a noisy, distracted, emotionally charged world, that drives terrible behaviours where:

  • multitasking is the norm
  • we are addicted to our phones and to social media
  • There are constantly multiple tabs open on our computer screens.
  • we can’t sit, be still, clear our minds or be without our phones without making people anxious!

The bad news is this noise weakens our willpower. It’s our kryptonite. Not good for us.

The good news is that scientists have found that willpower is like a muscle, you can strengthen it with practice. You can start with really small ways to build your willpower. Even the smallest practices of self discipline start to build our willpower muscle.

It’s the habit of noticing what you are about to do and choosing to do the more difficult thing instead of the easiest. It’s about slowing down and asking yourself “What would my most empowered self choose to do here?”.

I’m talking about the most simplest of things to begin with. For example, putting your clothes and shoes away at night, making the bed in the morning, going for a run or eating the healthier option at the cafe. Every time you do this, you are strengthening your willpower muscle, just like working out at the gym.

Think of it as having two different people in your head:

1. Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – who lives for the moment, wants instant gratification and has no self control.
2. Hermione Granger from Harry Potter – who is a level headed person, who can delay gratification to achieve bigger goals and stay calm in chaos.

Each day, these two voices in your head debate the smallest to the largest willpower challenges you are faced with. Can you resist instant gratification for longer term rewards?

3 Strategies to Develop your Willpower

1. Pause and Plan

When you’re faced with a choice, rather than racing into action, consider the options carefully. Think about it for a moment. Take three deep breaths and think about the long term gain of taking the harder option. Listen to Aretha Franklin’s classic song, Think:

You better think (think)
Think about what you’re trying to do to me
Think (think, think)
Let your mind go, let yourself be free

What’s truly the best decision to be made? What would your best self do?

2. Make it easy to do the right thing and hard to do the wrong thing

If you want to go exercise in the morning, what can do do to set yourself up for success? You can set your alarm, you can get your clothes and shoes ready and put them next to your bed, you can arrange to go with a friend so it makes it hard for you to back out. Set yourself up for success.

Consider other good habits that you want to set up in your life – eating healthily at work, banishing time spent on social media. How can you pre-commit to making the right decision and give yourself no other option than to succeed?!

3. Track your progress, make it visual and fun

Get focused on the habits needed for you to achieve your goals. Think about one habit you can do for the next 30 days. Chart your progress or get a friend to help. And hey, even if you miss a day, get back on the horse straight away (recommitting is as important as starting) and make sure you complete your habit the very next day. Monitoring your progress improves your willpower and is also motivating.

It can make an incredible difference in your life

As Kelly McGonigal, author of The Willpower Instinct says “Self-control is a better predictor of academic success than intelligence (take that, SATs), a stronger determinant of effective leadership than charisma (sorry, Tony Robbins), and more important for marital bliss than empathy (yes, the secret to lasting marriage may be learning how to keep your mouth shut). If we want to improve our lives, willpower is not a bad place to start.”

My advice – start with the smallest thing you can do to improve your willpower and work up from there.

Ready to step into your full leadership potential?

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15 WAYS TO FIND AN NFP BOARD POSITION
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How to follow your purpose when things get tough

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Living according to your purpose, strengths, and values will dramatically improve your life for the better. But it will not be easy. A study from the University of Pennsylvania found that pursuing one’s purpose can trigger anxiety. I know this in my own life to be true – and of many change-makers too. It can be exhausting to follow a greater purpose. You wonder whether you’re making a difference, whether it’s worth it, and whether there is an easier way.

Following your purpose is a process, not a destination

Following one’s purpose makes many people feel like they are not good enough. That where they are in life isn’t good enough. And they feel they may never be good enough to live their purpose. If that is you, you need to understand that following your purpose is a process, not a goal. It is the sense of direction that guides what types of activities and accomplishments you pursue. And your success at those things does not define it!

Purpose requires sacrifice

Another big reason why people do not pursue their purpose, strengths, and values is that it requires sacrifices. In some ways, society makes it easier to just eat junk food, lie on the couch after work, and binge watch the latest tv show. Or to think that the latest gadget or expensive bag will bring you happiness.

Purpose takes sacrifice. To live the life of a revolutionary, you have to make decisions outside the norm. You have to take actions outside the norm and surround yourself with those moving on a similar path.

How to hang in there when following a purpose-driven life gets tough

1. Know the stress coping mechanisms that work best for you. Change is stressful! And stress on top of additional responsibilities can make transitioning to living a purpose-driven lifestyle difficult. What are the activities that get you in flow? Running, dancing, painting, playing with your kids or going for a walk in nature? Get in the flow.

2. Stick to a sleep schedule to prevent exhaustion but also be prepared for some sleep-deprived days. If you are working full-time while acquiring the knowledge and experiences that you need to transition into a position that more closely aligns with your purpose, strengths, and values, some tired days are inevitable. However, you are unlikely to achieve your goals if you are continuously exhausted. Arrange your schedule to ensure you have at least six to eight hours of sleep. Sleep is integral – don’t skip it!

3. Celebrate the small milestones. This is so important! We forget to celebrate along the way. When you make progress by finding your purpose, consistently do something that enhances your strengths, step out of your comfort zone to make a decision that aligns with your values, or achieve any other milestone, acknowledge it. Research shows that celebrating small wins makes you more motivated and happy. It’s the small things – don’t forget it!

Find a Partner

A powerful way to ensure that you stay on track is to find an accountability partner. Think of it as peer coaching.

The American Society of Training and Development found that people who have an accountability partner are 95% more likely to complete goals on time than individuals who try to achieve their goals on their own.

95%! That’s huge!

Your peer coaching partner could be a work colleague, supportive friend, or family member who will not let you make excuses. Or if you want to grow alongside other people who are pursuing big goals, join a mastermind.

Masterminds are groups of people who support one another in their goals. The benefit of being in one is that not only does the group hold you accountable for what you tell them you want to accomplish, seeing the other members of your group do great things can increase your motivation to do the same.

Final Words

Stick with it. As Ryan Holiday would say, the obstacles are the way! Take every challenge and reframe it as a way of learning, a way of improving, and a stepping stone to living the life you want. And remember, a little stress helps us challenge ourselves as we rise to the occasion!

Now over to you: What is holding you back from pursuing your purpose? I’d love to know!

Get this Free Guide: 6 POWERFUL SECRETS TO FIND YOUR HIGHEST PURPOSE IN LIFE

The world needs more purpose-driven people. But where do you start?

This inspiring guide will give you powerful insights to find and refine your own purpose in life.
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