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10 Personal Challenges to Make the Most of 2020

January 6, 2020 by Alicia Curtis

 

Want to carve out time and space for thinking and reflection in 2020? Join me once a month online for 90 minutes for reflection, inspiration and connection. Our next gathering is on the 28 January and you can use the coupon bemyguest to try it for free for the first time. Or better yet, commit to growing your reflection muscle by registering for all the 2020 Alyceum Live gatherings here.


 

So it’s at this time of the year, we are pondering how to make the most of the year ahead. What habits can stay and which ones need to go! As James Clear says in his book, Atomic Habits, “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”

The fascinating realisation is you choose who you want to be. Every action you take is a step forward in a direction. Which path do you want to take? In today’s blog post we are exploring small actions, habits and mindsets to make the most of 2020! Here’s my top ten personal challenges!

1. GOALS – Make a bucket list of 100 goals you’d like to achieve in your lifetime

So first – let’s get clear on what we want to do with our lives. Can you list 100 goals that you’d like to achieve in your lifetime? This is often called a bucket list. Think about life as experiences – what experiences would you like to have?

Salsa dancing? African adventure? Learn french? Be part of a book club?

How often do you step back and think about this? We are creatures of comfort, and our operating mode would rather just do things similar to last time then explore something new. So we have to continually push ourselves to explore new things!

If you struggle with creating your 100 – think about certain themes in your life, for example, what’s 10 travel goals, what’s 10 hobbies you would like to try, what’s 10 goals you could do with friends, what’s 10 things you like to learn more about?

2. ATTENTION – Reclaim your attention

In the world we live in – this is a HUGE one. Make 2020 the year you reclaim your attention.

Social media, app notifications, emails – these modern day conveniences erode your attention and willpower. How much time do you spend on your phone? How many times are you distracted with a notification? What do you do when you first wake up in the morning or straight before you go to bed at night?

Some of the biggest technology companies in the world are becoming world experts in developing addictions! This is not good for us for many reasons, it trains our brains to look for distract instead of concentrating, and we avoid every moment to be bored.

Why is that such a bad thing, you ask?

Bored can actually be useful. In Manoosh Zomorodi’s book, Bored and Brilliant, she explores the benefits of bored, saying that it can be an incubator lab for brilliance!

In the book, she explores 7 challenges, here are a couple of you.

First challenge is just to observe yourself. Count how many times you reach for your phone, head to instagram or get distracted by a notification. Often your phones can now record this information too. The results might be surprising.

Another challenge is to keep your devices while in motion. If you’re walking, in the car, or meeting with someone, keep your phone out of reach.

Better yet, another challenge is to delete the app that you’re most addicted to off your phone!

The point is, you set intentions and boundaries about how you want to live your life. How you spend your days, are how you spend your life. Just 25 minutes a day can equal to 2 years of your life!

Think of the time you could regain in your life and put it towards achieving one of your 100 goals instead!

3. RESILIENCE – Take a cold shower

Hate the cold? That’s the whole point! If you want to build your sense of resilience, you need to do the things you hate. You can start with the act of taking a cold shower.

Cold exposure has been shown to have numerous health benefits such as improving your immune system, decreasing depression or help with weight loss – which is really great, but not the reason why we are doing it.

The simple act of having a cold shower helps develop our ability to deal with discomfort. The more we practice dealing with discomfort, the more everyday annoyances won’t bother us anymore. We practice with cold showers so we can build our courage for the important moments in life that are uncomfortable.

4. COURAGE – Be Bold and push your comfort zones every day

“Do one thing every day that scares you.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

So the cold showers are building our courage – now it’s time to push out of those comfort zones and be bold.

Make a list of the boldest moves you could make this year. Think about the things that really scare you. Reaching out to that person who you admire, attending a conference, speaking in front of an audience, taking on a physical challenge, trying a new hobby.

Dr Stan Beechman, author of Elite Teams writes that fear is keeping you from reaching your potential. Conquering fear should be your primary goal in life.

What fears do you have?

What courageous acts will move you forward? Saying yes. Saying no. Making that phone call. Speaking up at that meeting. Taking that new class. Setting that goal.

Make that bravery list and pick them off each month! Fortune favours the bold!

5. RELATIONSHIPS – Find people who inspire you

Crowd your life with people who inspire you.

You can start easily with books and podcasts. Then find meet ups, events or communities. Invest time in developing the relationships in your life.

Friendships take time and effort. In the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Jeffrey Hall, professor of Communication Studies, suggested that it’s all about time we invest. His results showed that it takes 40 to 60 hours to form a casual friendship, 80 to 100 hours to be upgraded to being a friend, and about 200 hours to become “good friends”

Let’s start clocking up the time who bring out the best in us!

6. GIVING – Find ways to give back

There are so many ways we can play our part in creating a better world – we can give our money, time, expertise or resources. Stand up for something. Recognise the challenges in our world and do something about it. Get informed. Get together with others and get doing something different because of it.

Our world needs change makers. You can be that change maker.

What’s a cause that is truly meaningful to you? Perhaps it get that fire in your belly – gets you angry or annoyed. Dedicate some time in 2020 supporting this cause, either through your time, money, expertise or resources.

Perhaps 2020 is the year, you find your first community board position?

7. SELF AWARENESS – Create a list of journalling questions

Michael Gelb in his book, Think like Da Vinci explores the habits and rituals of the great Leonardo Da Vinci. In his one short life time, Leonardo Da Vinci was a creative, a scientist, a town planner and an inventor to name a few. Da Vinci journaled about everything – his ideas, his learning, his findings and more.

A list of 100 questions is like your curiosity list. Start by writing down a question that you can ponder in your journal.

  • Am I in the right job or career?
  • How can I use my strengths more everyday?
  • What does love look like to me?
  • How can I be fearless?

Just keep brainstorming questions until you get to 100 – try to do this in one sitting! Then review your list and group them into patterns or similarities. Once you’ve done that, see if you can choose 10 power questions to keep handy when you are journalling.

You can never again have the excuse….but I don’t know what to journal about!

8. STRENGTHS – Spend time honing your superpowers

Do you truly understand, foster and utilise your strengths?

Your innate talents combined with your knowledge and skills, creates your strengths. These are your superpowers.

Focus on building mastery in your areas of strength. Are you a technical expert, a connector, an entrepreneur, a pace setter? Whatever you are, double down on your areas of strength.

“We fail to realize that mastery is not about perfection. It’s about a process, a journey. The master is the one who stays on the path day after day, year after year. The master is the one who is willing to try, and fail, and try again, for as long as he or she lives.”
~ George Leonard from Mastery

In what ways, can you keep on the path of mastery in 2020?

9. FOCUS – Break up with complaining

Why not make 2020 the year that you stop complaining!

Do you enjoy a good complain? I think everyone does. But how much do you do it everyday? It can be quite surprising how easily we can fall into complaining all the time!

Time to break the habit.

Will Bowen, author of A Complaint Free World came up with a simple challenge….

“Begin to wear the bracelet on either wrist. When you catch yourself complaining, gossiping, or criticizing, move the bracelet to the other wrist.

If you hear someone else who is wearing a purple bracelet complain, it’s okay to point out their need to switch the bracelet to the other arm; BUT if you’re going to do this, you must move your bracelet first! Because you’re complaining about their complaining.

Stay with it. It may take many months to reach 21 consecutive days. The average is 4 to 8 months.”
What a challenge!

Why should we kick the complaining habit? There are many reasons:

  • Complaining induces our stress response which is not good for our brains.
  • Complaining makes it hard to see the possibilities and open our minds.
  • Pessimists report worse physical and mental health than optimists.

This is a great challenge to first be aware of how much you complain and then complete the challenge to erase it from your conversation.

10. VISION – Don’t just thinking about 2020, let’s think about the whole decade ahead!

Instead of thinking about where you want to be and do in 2020, why not think about where you want to be in 2030? What age will you be? What will you be doing?

Commit to the long term. We are a very short term-focused society, we like things instantly. Have you noticed?

Peter Diamandis, author of Bold, bucks the trend here with his challenge – what’s your 25-year commitment? He says, imagine publicly making a 25 year commitment to something you’re passionate about?

There is great power in this type of long term thinking to make a greater impact in our lives and in society. So what’s your 25 year commitment?

Well that’s it – my top 10 challenges to help you improve your 2020 and beyond. What do you think?

If you want to improve your ability to reflect and engage with a good dose of monthly inspiration and connection, then I invite you to join my Alyceum Live online gatherings. Join us here for a free taster (FIRST TIME GUESTS ONLY) on the 28 January using the coupon bemyguest. Or better yet, commit to growing your reflection muscle by registering for all the 2020 Alyceum Live gatherings here.

Filed Under: Goals, Self Awareness, Self Reflection Tagged With: challenges, courage, focus, goals, relationships, resilience, self-awareness, vision

How Strong are the Relationships you are Building?

September 23, 2019 by Alicia Curtis

According to a recent Lifeline report, 60% of Australians report feeling lonely, 82% think loneliness is increasing and 33% don’t have anyone to confide in. This is a big problem when building strong mutually beneficial relationships is one of the key components to building a successful team and career.

Three Types of Relationships to Cultivate

1. Mates

Watching my daughter in the playground the other day, what strikes me as interesting is how easy it is for kids to form friendships. It would seem that as you get older, it may be harder to strike up strong friendships. So what does it really take to form a friendship? In the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Jeffrey Hall, professor of Communication Studies, suggested that it’s all about time we invest. His results showed that it takes 40 to 60 hours to form a casual friendship, 80 to 100 hours to be upgraded to being a friend, and about 200 hours to become “good friends”. It makes you think about what time you are investing in relationships both personally and professionally, doesn’t it?

ACTION: Consider how to make friendships a priority. Who do you know currently that you could cultivate a stronger friendship with just by putting aside some time to intentionally connect?

2. Masterminds

A mastermind is a group of people who commit to meeting on a regular basis to share their challenges and brainstorm solutions. It’s like a peer mentoring group. You help each other, promote each other, keep each other accountable, push each other to greater heights and share your journeys together.Perfect mastermind buddies are those at the same level as you, they display similar ambitions as well as character qualities e.g. reliable, motivated and dedicated.

ACTION: Host a gathering of people who are at similar levels in their career and brainstorm ways that you might be able to support each other to succeed.

3. Mentors

These are the people who you admire, who have walked the path that you’re keen to take and who can share their experience and wisdom. Mentoring is one of the best professional development strategies you can implement. Do you make the most of mentoring?

Naomi Simson, founder of Red Balloon shared a technique she uses with mentors. Instead of asking the question ‘what should I do about..?’, she asks ‘tell me about a time when you had to…?’. Mentors are not there to solve your problems but a sounding board to talk through the issues and solutions until you reach the best pathway for you.

ACTION: Who could you reach out to? Consider your approach.

Kindness is Key

Relationships built on trust, respect and kindness are so helpful to our teams, careers, wellbeing and happiness. It can be the simplest of things that can create that sense of warmth and involvement. Recently, I contributed to a leadership program by coming in and sharing my story. As I entered the room to conduct my presentation, everyone was milling around in their break. I took the opportunity to circle the room beforehand to introduce myself, shake hands and find out where people worked and how they were finding the leadership program. When I received feedback from the organisers, I was flabbergasted at how such a small gesture could mean so much to people.

“You were the first presenter to actively engage each group before you spoke which made for stronger connections with the audience when you spoke”.


“I thought Alicia built respect by trying to, literally, introduce herself to all of us, made her feel relatable”.

At the heart of leadership, people are searching to be seen, heard, appreciated and connected. We can do this in many wonderful ways and yet when we become busy or stressed, we can forget to cultivate these connections. I’ve definitely learnt this from the incredible leaders who I’ve had the opportunity to witness and learn from and in the end, this is the type of leader I want to be. It’s realising that despite our challenges we are all humans that deserve kindness and respect. Think about how you can be an exceptional friend, team mate, colleague or manager to others too.

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Filed Under: Purpose, Relationships Tagged With: friendship, happiness, mentor, network, relationships

6 building blocks to developing a strong network

September 9, 2019 by Alicia Curtis

Did you know that one of the most accurate ways to predict your success is how extensive your network is? Several peer-reviewed studies have found that who you know plays a more significant role in your career than how skilled you are, the strength of your resume, and other characteristics that we commonly think are responsible for our success.

Why does having a broad network matter more than job skills and knowledge?

  • People who are outside of your core circle of close friends can expose you to knowledge, people, and resources that you would not be able to access on your own. Often, it is the unexpected ideas and resources that people introduce you to that enable you to stand out.
  • Your network can inspire greater creativity and motivation. When you interact with people who are striving to reach big goals and approaching their work differently than you do, it will often inspire you to improve your own goals and routines.
  • It ensures improved emotional intelligence. The more you interact with people, the better you become at reading them and using that skill to best present yourself in critical social situations.

I have broken down the six building blocks for developing a strong network into three key areas to help you navigate different relationship phases.

1) Connect – Learn how to make initial connections with new contacts.
2) Create – Turn your connections into lasting relationships.
3) Credit – Add value to your network by showing people that you appreciate them.

Let’s get started!

CONNECT

Who you spend time with dramatically influences your behaviour and personal success. Research shows that we subconsciously mimic the people we know and consciously adopt some of their actions to better connect with them. Therefore, it is essential that you surround yourself with people who will bring out your best traits and enable you to be successful.

Additionally, your connections can play near as big of a role in your success as the work you are capable of doing. Human resources data from the last several years shows that employers are increasingly relying on referrals to make hiring decisions.

Making new connections is critical so let’s explore what types of people you should connect with and how.

Who – Mentors, Masterminds, and Mates

There are three types of relationships to consider and develop in your career:

1) Mentors. These are one-on-one relationships with people whom you admire and who have traveled a similar path to the one you want.

2) Masterminds. These are intense groups of people who are at the same level as you, have similar characteristics, and support you as you pursue your goals.

3) Mates. These are friends and colleagues you hang out with regularly. Having a group of mates in and out of work helps you relax, connect with people on a personal level, and ensure you have a balanced life outside of work.

Understanding these types of connections is important. Because how you approach people for each of those contexts is different.

With mentors, you have to be somewhat formal and very mindful not to demand much of their time. Masterminds are typically like a club with set meeting times. So while timing is not an issue, finding the right people to support you in this way is crucial. Perhaps start with an accountability partner and work up from there. With mates, informality and positivity are essential because most people do not want to spend their free time with someone who cannot relax.

Action step: Identify at least one person in each of those categories which you can make an initial connection with this week.

How – Networking Opportunities

Networking is time-consuming and, if you are an introvert, exhausting. To avoid burning out, you need to be strategic about choosing events with the highest potential for you to make quality connections.

There may be a range of factors you consider to choose the right networking events for you. Do you want to develop strong relationships within your industry association? Want to meet new people who are outside your comfort zone, different industry perhaps? Do you want to gain knowledge and skills while networking with others?

For example, if you are a project manager, attending events for project managers is a fantastic way to keep up-to-date on the latest changes in your field. However, people who are in your same position are unlikely to know or be willing to share information about exciting new opportunities. On the contrary, you are likely to make significant connections at events that target a variety of professionals in your industry.

It doesn’t always have to be the same old networking events. You are likely to meet meaningful connections if you step outside of professional groups. Look for ways to get involved with causes and activities related to your passions. Though you may not meet people who can immediately help your career, developing relationships based on shared passions can open up doors later on. They may be able to refer you to people who have relevant opportunities for you. If not, you will still benefit from forming new friendships.

Action Step: What event could help stretch your networks with people you would not normally meet?

CREATE

Meeting new people is the easy part of creating a secure network. People are extremely busy, so you need to prove to them that it is worth investing time to keep in touch with you. There are two primary ways to do this:

1) Be a great conversationalist, so people want to keep talking to you.

2) Focus on building strong relationships rather than increasing your professional opportunities.

Here’s how:

Conversational Intelligence

According to ontological coaching expert, Alan Sieler, there are different types of conversations that foster productive work and networking relationships. Some of them include:

1) Stories and Assessments: To share views and form stronger bonds by sharing personal experiences.
2) Clarity: To gain a mutual understanding to move forward together.
3) Common Commitment: To ensure shared commitment to goals.
4) Possibility: To generate ideas & explore different possible futures.
5) Opportunity: To identify specific opportunities from possibilities.
6) Coordination of Action: To get things done.
7) Progress: To pause and monitor progress towards goals.
8) Accomplishment: To acknowledge achievements & successes.
9) Appreciation: To publicly share recognition, value, appreciation, and gratitude of others.
10) Accountability: To deal with a broken promise/commitment or, in a working relationship, improve communication to prevent lapses in accountability from occurring.

You likely already have these conversations on a regular basis. However, being aware of the types of discussions can help you reach out to people with the intent to focus on one or more of those areas. This will allow you utilize your time with people more efficiently.

Action Step: Before starting conversations with professional connections, identify what type of communication you need to have. Work on your conversation skills to engage others.

Relationship Building

According to Charles Green, leading leadership expert and author of the Trusted Advisor, trustworthiness can be broken down into an equation that you can improve upon to develop stronger connections:

Trustworthiness = Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy / Self Orientation.

Let’s break that down.

1) Credibility: What’s your area of competence? Being informed in the areas people expect you to makes your voice credible.

2) Reliability: Do your actions match your words? If you want people to trust you, you have to prove that you will follow through on your commitments.

3) Intimacy: Show that you genuinely care about people, so they feel comfortable sharing personal details with you.

Self-orientation is the extent to which you care about yourself more than others. It is the denominator because the more self-oriented you are perceived as, the fewer people trust you. This is because your actions and/or attitude show that you prioritize your own needs above all else.

A way to build all three of those elements of trust and reduce your perceived self-orientation is to create shared experiences with people.

Here are a couple of ideas:

+ Bring people together for an intimate lunch
+ Involve/share your networks in a charity event
+ Host your own mini networking events.

By being the person to plan events, you can focus them on situations that make you shine socially. This can make you appear more reliable, since you invested the effort to connect with people.

Action Step: Think about how you might be perceived at networking events and post-events. How can you improve your trustworthiness?

CREDIT

So far, we have focused on how developing a healthy network benefits you. Don’t forget that the people you develop professional relationships with expect you to offer them just as much value as you are receiving. The easiest way to show your connections that you value them is to help them and express your appreciation.

Good Work/Giving

Leadership expert, Brian Tracy, believes that “successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others.” Focusing on what you can give in relationships rather than what you receive makes people feel grateful for their relationship with you (so they are unlikely to do anything to jeopardize it). It also shows that you are a valuable connection and proves that you care about their wellbeing.

Continually ask yourself: “How can I be of value to others? The help that you offer does not have to be huge. Introduce people who would benefit from knowing one another. Pass on valuable information and offer resources to people struggling with stressful situations. It only takes a few minutes of your time and can dramatically improve your relationships.

Action Step: Offer to help at least one person in your network per week.

Appreciation and Recognition

Research shows that telling people that you appreciate them strengthens your relationships. The power of appreciation should come as no surprise. Everyone has an innate need to know that they are valued. And busy people, in particular, want to know that the effort they invest in helping other people is worthwhile.

Among professional relationships, one of the most influential ways to show appreciation is by writing thank you notes. Most people express their gratitude immediately after someone does something for them, but few people take the time to follow-up.

Here is how to write a meaningful thank you note:

1) After addressing their name, write what you feel. For example, “I wanted to let you know that I appreciate…” “ grateful…” “Thank you for…”

2) State what specifically you are thankful for. For example, “introducing me to [valuable person],” taking the time give feedback on [important project], “recommending [useful tool],” etc.

3) Explain the positive impact that it had on you. For example, “[Valuable person and I will be meeting up again soon to…” “I incorporated your advice into my project, and my boss loved it, or “I started using [the tool] and…”

4) Offer to help them whenever they need it. Letting people know that you are willing to reciprocate favors shows them that you are interested in having a mutually beneficial relationship.

The power of appreciation

If you have an individual’s address or can slip a note into their office, using a physical notecard will make your token of appreciation stand out even more than it already does. Few people these days get handwritten cards. However, if giving a physical card is not possible, sending an email or text is still a great way to show your gratitude.

You should also develop a habit of recognizing people not for who they are but what they do for you. Positive psychologists have a theory called appreciative inquiry which explains that, particularly in professional relationships, focusing on what people do well and identifying ways to capitalize on their strengths enables people to form closer bonds and increase performance.

Regardless of whether you are celebrating a success with someone or working with them to overcome a challenge, acknowledging their positive attributes in dealing with the situation is likely to improve its outcome. It will also strengthen your relationship so that you continue to be someone that they want to share experiences with.

Action Step: Within the next twenty-four hours, send notes of gratitude and/or appreciation to at least three people. Moving forward, take a moment to recognize the contributions and/ or character of at least one person every week.

NEXT STEPS

Relationships are both integral to your career success and what makes life worth living. Remember, our professional relationships are not the only relationships worth cultivating in life. Our personal relationships need time and attention too.

I remember a comment from Professor Fiona Wood, a burns surgeon and researcher, saying in an interview that we must strive to save the best of ourselves for those we love the most. This has stuck with me when I’m tired at the end of the day to treat my loved ones with respect and compassion.

Cultivating strong personal and professional relationships make life worth living, spend the time to cultivate yours!

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Filed Under: Networking Tagged With: communication, mentor, relationships

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