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growth

Break out of your comfort zone to improve your confidence

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Have you ever done something that has surprised you? Perhaps you met with a mentor that you’d been hoping to talk to. Or presented a speech for the first time. Maybe you took on a project that’s a bit out of your job description? And you realized that you pushed the boundaries and moved out of your comfort zone?

Ahh comfort zones – they are warm and cushy. And as creatures of comfort, we love sitting in these pockets. But does it challenge us, help us grow, and improve our confidence? Short answer, no. One of the most effective ways to improve your self-confidence is to regularly push yourself out of your comfort zone.

In the book, The Tools, psychotherapists Phil Stutz and Barry Michels share research-backed strategies for people to overcome the internal barriers holding them back from success. These practical steps allow anyone to reach their full potential.

Tool #1 – Reversal of desire

The first tool in the book is the Reversal of Desire. It explains that your areas of growth lie just outside of your comfort zone. Yes that’s right, just outside of your comfort zone!

Your comfort zone feels great because it’s a state where your brain perceives very little risk. You’re in a familiar, safe situation. Changing habits, learning new skills, trying new things, and other self-improvement activities are all unfamiliar. You have to get out of your comfort zone to do them.

Stepping outside your comfort zone is stressful, but research shows that our brains need to feel slight to moderate anxiety to improve. Psychologists refer to this as “optimal anxiety” — the level of stress that compels you to take action.

Deadlines are helpful for understanding this. If you’re like most people and you’re given six weeks to do a project, initially you’re not worried at all. You feel like you have a ton of time and don’t push yourself to be optimally productive for the first couple of weeks. However, once you’re a week or two away, the stress of potentially not meeting the deadline becomes a weight on your shoulders that pushes you to excel despite tiredness and any other barriers you face.

Be strategic about your comfort zone!

The key is to be strategic about how and when you step outside your comfort zone, ensuring that your anxiety does not overwhelm you. For example, if you’re terrified of public speaking, don’t start by volunteering to speak at a big community event. Instead, start with small groups to build your confidence and work your way up.

It’s like a muscle. The more you push your boundaries, the easier the optimal anxiety will feel to you. It’s like you will broaden the boundaries of your own comfort zone.

This feeling of nervousness brings on our sense of flow. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is a psychologist who wrote the book, Flow. He describes ‘flow’ as a mental state of complete absorption in the current experience. When we are fully engaged and challenged by a task.

“The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times… The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”
– Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Here’s a challenge (or two) for you

Write down 10 things that challenge you or make you feel fearful. Public speaking? Getting feedback? Introducing yourself to new people? Choose one of these areas to focus on. Brainstorm a range of activities to step out of your comfort zone and practice them in small but consistent ways. Remember your areas of growth lie just outside of your comfort zone! Try ten ways to practice this challenge – yes, not just once, but ten! Repetition is the only way you’re going to move outside your comfort zone to take on these challenging activities.

Moving out of your comfort zone doesn’t always have to be work related either – you could listen to unfamiliar music, read a magazine that you would never normally pick up, try a different hobby with a friend, go to a different restaurant. Get into the habit of pushing your areas of comfort. Reflect on what you learn about yourself in the process.

Final words

Don’t let the fears in your head stop you from trying new things and stepping up in your growth. Take the smallest steps forward and you might just surprise yourself!

 

Want to join the Greater Good Collective? Launching 1 May

On 1 May, I’m launching the Greater Good Collective, a 3 month personal leadership journey to live and lead courageously to create a better world.

Check it out here to join us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How to be a changemaker?

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“All of us are needed for a moral revolution.  It doesn’t matter where you live, the size of your bank account, or what you do for a living.  The world needs you to flex, to stretch to uncomfortable levels, to build your moral imagination, to listen more deeply, to reckon with your sense of identity, and to open yourself up to understand the layered inconsistencies and differing perspectives of others.  It requires each of us to partner better, to tell stories that matter and embrace the beautiful struggle.”
– Jacqueline Novogratz

I definitely know that I am at my happiest when I’m working with a team of people to make the world just a little better in some way.  I love new ideas and I love a project that challenges that status quo.  I love inspiring others to think about the change we can make together.

This year – 2020 –  commemorates 25 years since the start of my journey in leadership and community change making.  Back in 1995, I was 12 years old, I was given a beautiful gift.  I was chosen to attend the first International Children’s Conference (ICC) on the Environment run by the United Nations.  800 kids from 90 different countries were chosen to attend and experience 3 days of speakers, workshop and kinship.

There is no doubt in my mind that this conference was an immense catalyst in my life and one that I feel very fortunate to have.  At 12 years old, my attention was diverted away absorbed by my own teenage life and focused on others, my local community and world.

At this conference, I connected with the three other Perth delegates and we came back to Perth and formed our own group.  Supported by our parents and a supportive teacher, we decided to run our own kids conference!  This was probably one of the first examples of the ‘youth-led’ movement.  It took us 13 months and in 1996, we ran the first Kids Helping Kids conference with 150 kids from around Western Australia and our ICC friends from Malaysia.  In 1999, the group became incorporated as Millennium Kids and still runs today.

Since 1995, I have been a keen volunteer, a change maker and voice for the issues that matter. I look back with huge gratitude for the experiences I had, the people I met and most importantly, the mindset that was formed.  It was a mindset that change can happen, we can achieve great things in our community when we come together and we have more power and influence than we think!

So in this post, I want to share 7 lessons I’ve learnt about creating change!

1. Lead now

“Leader is not a title that the world gives to you—it’s an offering that you give to the world.”
– Abby Wambach, two-time Olympic gold medalist and FIFA Women’s World Cup champion

You can lead right where you are – with your knowledge, experience, ideas and passion!

Don’t wait to be asked, don’t wait until you’re old enough or experienced enough.  Get in there, join the team, shadow the leader, meet new people, share your ideas – start learning on the job!  We all have the capacity to lead change – to make the world a little bit better than how we found it.

You have to be willing to be brave and give ideas a go, put yourself out there, make mistakes, learn and realise you have some value to give to the world.

2. Don’t doubt the crazy ideas!

“The day before something is a breakthrough, it’s a crazy idea.”
– Peter Diamandis, author and founder, Singularity University

It’s often the crazy ideas that can make the biggest difference!

Kids running their own conference, young people being board directors on aged care organisations, everyday people joining together to become philanthropists…all of these crazy ideas became successful projects.  Many people scoffed at these ideas and took a lot of convincing of their worth.  Hang in there, it gets a little easier!

Give yourself time for thinking and talking about crazy ideas too. We can all too often get caught up in the busyness of life.  Give yourself time to really think about what the world most needs now.

3. Diversify your network

“Inclusion is not a matter of political correctness. It is the key to growth.” 
– Jesse Jackson, Politician and Civil Rights Activist

Get out and make as wide networks as you can.  A broad network is an advantage when it comes to creating change.  You can’t do it all by yourself!  When I was 21 years old, I ran as an independent candidate for the Federal Senate of Australia.  I loved the experience because it truly pushed me out of my comfort zone.  I committed to going to a wide range of events with people I had never met before.  Not only did it help during my campaign, but through the rest of my career and community work.  The friendships I made, the organisations I came across, the people I connected with have held me in great stead.

When you’re building a team, it’s integral to know your strengths and find people who strengthen the group through different mindsets, skillsets and networks.  They will challenge you and that’s a good thing!  It can be an easy trap to bring together people who mirror your own strengths, instead, push yourself to bring together different people.

In these increasingly polarised times that we are living in, it can be all too easy to be revolted by people who hold different opinions and close down the conversations completely.  Try to keep the avenue open.

4. Failure is part of the process

“If you’re not prepared to be wrong, you’ll never come up with anything original.”
– Ken Robinson

Plant many seeds as not all will grow.  Failure is not a reflection of you, it’s just part of the process.  For every project idea that’s been successful, there have been three ideas that have failed.  Don’t be disheartened by this.  Ask yourself, what can I learn from this?  The learnings might come years afterwards too.

See the obstacles not as a sign to stop but a sign to keep going! Embrace them. Rise to the challenge of them.  Obstacles will only make you stronger so keep in there!

5. Cultivate your skills in learning, listening and leadership

If you want to make a positive impact on the world, here are three key skills – learning, listening and leadership.  Since the very beginning of my journey, I’ve been honing these skills.  I still get it wrong and there is still much opportunity for improvement!

Learning – you are also learning! Learning about the complex problems we are facing in society, how we can make a positive impact, how we can work together more effectively.  Being a learner.

Listening – the greatest leaders I have observed are all incredible listeners. They listen for what is said, they listen for what is not said. They don’t just listen, they connect and see the world through the eyes of the speaker.  Often, when we have ideas and knowledge, we can be too quick to talk all the time.  A great leader sees the opportunity to ask questions and listen.  They listen with great humility.

Leadership – be ready to learn more about yourself, your team, your community and society and uncover the assumptions and biases that may hold you back.  This self awareness helps you to start building mastery in leadership.  You will need it when you need to bring together a diverse group with a common vision, when you need to have a courageous conversation with a team member and when you get knocked down by failures.

6. Surround yourself with the people, places and beauty that inspires you

When I feel inspired, I feel like I can do anything.  So I think deeply about what inspires me the most.  I wonder about the times that inspire fresh thinking, innovative ideas and connections.

For me, it’s about people, places and creativity. I surround myself with inspiring people. I meet with them. I read their books.  I listen to their videos and podcasts.  I attend events that push my knowledge and networks and am inspired by the incredible people I get to meet. I’m also inspired by our beautiful natural environment, the blue oceans, the tall trees and the animals who inhabit these spaces.  Art, creativity, music and movement also inspire me.  I love different art forms and the creativity and dedication it takes to create.

What gives you energy? Take your inspiration seriously.

7. Focus on what you’ve achieved, not what’s still to be done

“Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time.”
– Ruth Bader Ginsburg

This is an important one!  When change is the goal, you can be so futures focused that you don’t acknowledge your achievements along the way. And let’s face it, we often have big hopes and dreams!  Don’t get disheartened that there is still so much to do, celebrate what you have achieved along the way – highlight it, the small wins, make them visible to all the team.  Change, at the best of times, is slow but that doesn’t mean that you don’t celebrate the wins along the way.  Sometimes change happens in a giant leap, most of the time it will be incremental. Stick with your goals and purpose for the long term and don’t forget to take the time to acknowledge what you have achieved.

Together we can effect real change, by joining together, sharing our talents and envisioning a better future.  Often I reflect on my 12 year old self, who had their eyes opened by the possibilities of this. No matter what we face as a world or society, I try and remember this.  Now I have children of my own who see the issues they would like to positively impact and I know it’s my turn to encourage them to see their role as a changemaker in society.

Here’s to another 25 years of changemaking impact.

 

In 2021 I’m piloting a new online course on personal leadership and making an impact! Are you keen to join in? It includes weekly masterclasses, leadership challenges and opportunities to share and connect. If you want to find out more, add your email here and receive my free guide too.

 

Get this Free Guide: 6 POWERFUL SECRETS TO FIND YOUR HIGHEST PURPOSE IN LIFE

The world needs more purpose-driven people. But where do you start?

This inspiring guide will give you powerful insights to find and refine your own purpose in life.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Don’t be triggered

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We have all experienced a moment when your anger, annoyance or frustration has taken over and you’ve said something at a meeting that, on reflection, you wish you hadn’t. Has this happened to you? It’s definitely happened to me!

The reason these outbursts can happen to the best of us is simple psychology.

We all have a part of our brain that is responsible for our emotions—the limbic system—and another that is responsible for problem-solving, planning and consequential thinking—the frontal lobe. The amygdala is the part of the limbic system that makes you react instinctively to your emotions which is something humans have developed to avoid harm. Unfortunately, when we get angry, it is very easy for the amygdala to overpower the frontal lobe, leading us to have an outburst.

Clearly this reaction is not the best course of action, but in a moment of anger, annoyance or frustration, there is no reasoning! So how can we get past that initial instinct to react? Read on for a simple, yet effective strategy to banish that embarrassed, regretful feeling forever.

Consequential thinking is the antidote to mindless, reactionary behaviour that prevents people from reaching their leadership potential. It’s described as ‘evaluating the costs and benefits of your choices’ developed by Six Seconds, a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to improving the emotional intelligence of people.

How to practice consequential thinking

This model involves pausing for a few seconds, evaluating your situation and choosing to respond in a way that is best for you. In doing this, we are letting the instinct to react subside and allowing ourselves time to think.

Consequential thinking is about connecting your everyday behaviours to who you really want to be as a person and leader and to make choices every day that take you in the right direction.

Let’s break down those three steps.

1. Pause

Allow your emotion to occur without taking any action. For how long? Six seconds! Emotions are molecules and this is how long it takes for them to run their course in your brain and body before they are reabsorbed.

2. Evaluate

Question why you are feeling this way. What is the best possible result of your actions in this situation? How can you tailor your response to get to that result?

3. Choose your response

Respond now that you have thought through the consequences of your behaviour for yourself and others.

How can consequential thinking help you become a better leader?

1. Know your values

Consequential thinking forces you to clarify your values. What matters to you in life? Is it kindness, equality, connection or critical thinking? It can be daunting to acknowledge what you really value in your life and career, especially if it feels out of reach. However, this desire is something that will continuously motivate you and lead you to smarter decision-making.

Often when something annoys us, it is signalling something that is important to us. When we pause, we can think about what that important thing is that our emotion is pointing to. When you realise your values, it becomes much easier to see the consequences of your actions clearly. There is an obvious link between your behaviour and where it will lead you. Think about your actions over the past day, week or month. Do they align with your values?

2. Better relationships

Consequential thinking helps you enhance your relationships. Your behaviour as a professional
is what determines how others perceive you—whether they want to work with you or not.

Imagine someone in your team makes a mistake. As a leader you have two choices: react immediately or pause and calmly deliver constructive feedback. Think about which choice is more likely to prevent that mistake from happening again. Which choice is more likely to build a trusting, positive relationship?

Having positive professional relationships is beneficial for everyone: you won’t gain a reputation for having a bad temper and others will trust you more as a leader or a peer.

3. Dealing with challenging emotions

Consequential thinking helps you in those moments of explosive emotions. We all experience challenging emotions in difficult times from feelings of insecurity, to constant time pressures, to frustration and disappointment. No one gets to where they want to be without hard days and setbacks. What’s important is how you deal with the emotions that come along with these challenges.

Challenging emotions are inevitable. Once you reach the top of your field you are not suddenly immune to them. Luckily, they are a great guide if you know how to listen to them and act accordingly. You can apply consequential thinking–pausing for six seconds, remembering your values–to deal with challenging emotions. Holding your driving force in mind is a great way to better understand why you feel certain things.

When you pause to think about what is driving you, your values, you can better understand the anger and complete the task more efficiently. Having a better awareness of this emotion is going to allow you to deal with it properly, rather than letting it simmer and potentially blowing up at someone else.

In Summary

Consequential thinking is a key tool for your leadership toolbox. It challenges you to clarify what’s important to you, pause and act with consideration rather than being overtaken by challenging emotions and act with intention instead.

Warning – this strategy requires practice! Do you know where I find the better practice ground…with family. No one will know how to push your buttons better than your three-year-old son or your loving little sister! Yes, practicing this technique is not just limited to the workplace but can be used at home too.