Alyceum

Igniting Leaders, Inspiring Revolutions

Confidence

Break out of your comfort zone to improve your confidence

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Have you ever done something that has surprised you? Perhaps you met with a mentor that you’d been hoping to talk to. Or presented a speech for the first time. Maybe you took on a project that’s a bit out of your job description? And you realized that you pushed the boundaries and moved out of your comfort zone?

Ahh comfort zones – they are warm and cushy. And as creatures of comfort, we love sitting in these pockets. But does it challenge us, help us grow, and improve our confidence? Short answer, no. One of the most effective ways to improve your self-confidence is to regularly push yourself out of your comfort zone.

In the book, The Tools, psychotherapists Phil Stutz and Barry Michels share research-backed strategies for people to overcome the internal barriers holding them back from success. These practical steps allow anyone to reach their full potential.

Tool #1 – Reversal of desire

The first tool in the book is the Reversal of Desire. It explains that your areas of growth lie just outside of your comfort zone. Yes that’s right, just outside of your comfort zone!

Your comfort zone feels great because it’s a state where your brain perceives very little risk. You’re in a familiar, safe situation. Changing habits, learning new skills, trying new things, and other self-improvement activities are all unfamiliar. You have to get out of your comfort zone to do them.

Stepping outside your comfort zone is stressful, but research shows that our brains need to feel slight to moderate anxiety to improve. Psychologists refer to this as “optimal anxiety” — the level of stress that compels you to take action.

Deadlines are helpful for understanding this. If you’re like most people and you’re given six weeks to do a project, initially you’re not worried at all. You feel like you have a ton of time and don’t push yourself to be optimally productive for the first couple of weeks. However, once you’re a week or two away, the stress of potentially not meeting the deadline becomes a weight on your shoulders that pushes you to excel despite tiredness and any other barriers you face.

Be strategic about your comfort zone!

The key is to be strategic about how and when you step outside your comfort zone, ensuring that your anxiety does not overwhelm you. For example, if you’re terrified of public speaking, don’t start by volunteering to speak at a big community event. Instead, start with small groups to build your confidence and work your way up.

It’s like a muscle. The more you push your boundaries, the easier the optimal anxiety will feel to you. It’s like you will broaden the boundaries of your own comfort zone.

This feeling of nervousness brings on our sense of flow. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is a psychologist who wrote the book, Flow. He describes ‘flow’ as a mental state of complete absorption in the current experience. When we are fully engaged and challenged by a task.

“The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times… The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”
– Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Here’s a challenge (or two) for you

Write down 10 things that challenge you or make you feel fearful. Public speaking? Getting feedback? Introducing yourself to new people? Choose one of these areas to focus on. Brainstorm a range of activities to step out of your comfort zone and practice them in small but consistent ways. Remember your areas of growth lie just outside of your comfort zone! Try ten ways to practice this challenge – yes, not just once, but ten! Repetition is the only way you’re going to move outside your comfort zone to take on these challenging activities.

Moving out of your comfort zone doesn’t always have to be work related either – you could listen to unfamiliar music, read a magazine that you would never normally pick up, try a different hobby with a friend, go to a different restaurant. Get into the habit of pushing your areas of comfort. Reflect on what you learn about yourself in the process.

Final words

Don’t let the fears in your head stop you from trying new things and stepping up in your growth. Take the smallest steps forward and you might just surprise yourself!

Now over to you: What was the last thing you did to get out of your comfort zone?

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Join me LIVE for the 3-Day Board Confidence Challenge!

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After years of working with people who are keen to step onto a community board…

Do you know what I’ve found is the key reason holding them back from a board role?

The answer is….. CONFIDENCE.

I get it.

The boardroom can be a really daunting place, especially if you haven’t been a board director before.

That’s why a few times a year, I run a 3-day Board Confidence Challenge!

This challenge is designed to help you build an unstoppable confidence so you’re ready to accept your first board appointment! And January is the PERFECT time to reflect, plan and create an action plan about how you can make your dream of being a community board director a reality in 2019.

The Challenge will run from January 21 – 23

Join me live at 12pm midday (Perth time) for an interactive and motivating 60-minute session on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. If you can’t make it live, we will give you access to all the recordings to watch later if you’ve signed up.

During the 3-Day Challenge, you will:

+ Explore the BIGGEST fears that hold you back from the boardroom and how to overcome them -alongside an intimate group of your driven, change-making peers.

+ Discover the framework I’ve used with hundreds of young professionals to identify your core strengths and achievements and how to position them for the boardroom.

+ Work through my unique board value proposition canvas to understand the unique value you can bring to the boardroom – and how to position these values in your hunt for the perfect board position.

+ Mindset is everything – explore the key mindsets required for the boardroom, and banish the self-talk that’s holding you back – for good!

And so much more!

Now more than ever, we need confident, creative leaders with the passion, talent and insight to create the massive change needed in our community and the world.

So, if you’re…

+ Ready to step up and fulfil your dream of being a board director.

+ Keen to leave your fears aside and start taking action on the goals you want.

+ Keen to explore if you have what it takes to become a board director of a Not-For-Profit organisation.

+ Ready to contribute your time, skills and experience to a worthy cause and make real change in your community.

We need YOU!

Sign up – this challenge is for you!

Ready to step into your full leadership potential?

GET THE FREE GUIDE:
15 WAYS TO FIND AN NFP BOARD POSITION
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Is it your time to step up and lead? Yes!

Join me and we’ll get you there!

I hope you will join me!

To your success,

Alicia

PS. Got a question? Join the conversation on my Facebook page or send me an email at alicia@alyceum.com.au

Does your lack of confidence hold you back?

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Have you ever wanted to pursue or achieve something important, but your lack of confidence held you back? It’s not a nice feeling, is it? It might have been a job opportunity, a board position, or perhaps simply reaching out to someone.

When we talk about confidence, what do we mean? The latin meaning is “having deep trust in yourself.” In modernity, it’s the degree to which you think and feel your actions will achieve positive results.

Do you trust yourself? Do you believe your actions will lead to the results you want?

We all go through periods of lack of confidence. Self doubt, fear, the knockers will continue throughout your life. Nobody escapes it and it’s an ongoing practice for leaders.

The more important question is this: how can you further develop your confidence right now?

Psychologist Albert Bandura developed a theory that highlighted four sources of confidence.

The four sources of confidence

Mastery Experiences

What are mastery experiences? It’s learning first hand, setting realistic but challenging goals, and giving it a go.

Start Small

These experiences build your confidence to keep striving and trying something new. The big thing here is that it doesn’t have to be huge. You can start with really small actions and build up! What is the smallest step that will move you closer to where you want to be? How can you show up consistently with small actions? You’ll be amazed at the confidence this brings.

Even Mistakes Count

Get out there, give it a go. You will either achieve something or you’ll learn something! Every mistake or failure is a great learning opportunity. So start failing and learning!

What to do?

Start consciously building up your mastery experiences.

2. Vicarious Experiences

Ok, so you haven’t done something yourself (mastery experience)? You can also build your confidence through observing others such as mentors, role models, or leaders.

Role Modelling

Seeing others achieve what we want can show us that it is possible. Observing how others achieve goals similar to what you want helps you build your own confidence in your ability to achieve it too.

Don’t Get Jealous, Get Motivated

Don’t sink in to the comparison game. If you start to show envy or jealousy, this is you doubting that you can achieve it too. Shift your mood to one of wonder, curiosity and celebration. Get inspired and understand that if they can do it, you can too.

What to do?

Read those autobiographies. Go listen to inspiring role models (live or on the internet). Surround yourself with examples of who you want to be. Celebrate others and regularly expose yourself the unlimited potential of humans!

3. Social Persuasion

Social Persuasion is having an influential mentor directly ‘persuading’ you to achieve what you want.

The Power of Belief

As a leadership facilitator, I am constantly in awe of the power of someone believing in you. I’ve seen first hand what can happen when I believe in a participant in one of my programs. What they can achieve is incredible! Your confidence can be developed by having a coach, mentor, teachers or leader in your life that demonstrates their belief in you.

What to do?

Gather together your supporter network. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and encourage you to reach higher.

Ready to step into your full leadership potential?

GET THE FREE GUIDE:
15 WAYS TO FIND AN NFP BOARD POSITION
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4. Physiology

Our physiology matters and it influences our confidence. So are you putting aside time for self care, healthy eating, exercise, meditation and good sleep? These inputs can influence your emotions, moods, and your physical state.

If you feel tired, anxious, or tense, it’s going to affect your confidence. On the flipside, if you put healthy foods into your body, move regularly, commit to getting a good night’s sleep, and take time for regular self care, this will also affect your confidence – in a positive way.

What to do?

Look after your wellbeing to give yourself the best chance of self confidence.

8 leaders share their confidence secrets

So, how do those four sources of confidence look in everyday life? 8 incredible leaders share their tips for building confidence below:

“I take a deep breath and think about some of the things I really wasn’t confident to do but did anyway (and they came out good, often far beyond my expectations!)”
Lyn Beazley AO FTSE FACE CIE (Aust)
WA Australian of the Year 2015

“Lifelong learning and stretching myself to do new and interesting things not only builds my confidence but also means I get to meet and experience interesting people and continue to grow and develop as a person.”
Angie Paskevicius, CEO Holyoake
WA Telstra Businesswoman of the Year 2016

“I build confidence in a few ways. I stay on top of what is happening in the industry and particularly in industry journals. In short I make sure I am well read. I also make sure I am actively seeking feedback from the people I work with (both Board and staff). And finally, having a person as a coach or mentor who is honest with you helps.”
Russell Bricknell,
CEO, Baptistcare

“Confidence for me is about recognising that, as CEO, most people think you are fully in control and don’t need support or pep talks. So I make sure I seek it out from people inside and outside my organisation who are supportive and on my side and confident enough to give me feedback on things I need to improve on.”
Justine Colyer,
CEO RISE

“I keep trying to stretch myself by learning new things and doing things that make me uncomfortable.”
Dr Nicky Howe,
CEO, Southcare

+ Surround myself with a ‘cheer squad’, family and friends who will support me and provide advice (even the hard stuff) grounded in unconditional love for me.
+ Reducing the influence of ‘toxic’ people in my life by disengaging from them.
+ Positive self-talk – every day!
+ Reflect and learn from my mistakes and my successes.
+ Enhance my resilience every day through keeping fit and healthy.
Dr Sue van Leeuwen,
Non Executive Director

“I meditate regularly. I find this not only provides a sense of calm – but it also helps me to keep things in perspective.”
Graeme Cowan,
Leadership Resilience Speaker and Author, Non Executive Director R U OK?

“I focus on my values, and have a clear vision of the goals I want to achieve. I make sure my decisions and actions are always 100% aligned with what I want to achieve and my values. Then I have the courage to not care if others mock me. Self loathing is always just at an arm’s length … so it’s important to remember that second guessing yourself is normal and healthy in leadership. And it’s best to just accept not everyone will always agree with you. But if your values are in the right place, keep on track.”
Sue Pember, Director,
Mi Casa Property Boutique, Aussie Orientation Services and Rare Birds Ambassador

Now over to you: what are you strategies for overcoming the knockers in your pursuit of a goal? I’d love to hear!