self regulation

Want to carve out time and space for thinking and reflection in 2020? Join me once a month online for 90 minutes for reflection, inspiration and connection. Our next gathering is on the 28 January and you can use the coupon bemyguest to try it for free for the first time. Or better yet, commit to growing your reflection muscle by registering for all the 2020 Alyceum Live gatherings here.

“All change, even very large and powerful change, begins when a few people start talking with one another about something they care about.” – Margaret Wheatley

Finding and living your purpose is more important than ever in a world that can lack meaning and connection. But how often do we truly focus our attention on what’s important to us?

Do you feel a little lost at times? What about turning up the volume on your inner voice and work on a purpose that resonates with you.

I’m going to be honest, it’s not easy. Like any type of self reflection work, it is work! The answers won’t all come immediately. You do have to work at it and it will take time. You can continue to evolve it too, it will become your life’s work. But it is nice to think about the body of work you want to create in the world.

Before you jump into the three powerful activities below, I have a few smaller recommendations to get you started:

• Get out into nature more. Less screens and walls means you can breathe more deeply, get more oxygen into your bloodstream and connect back with you. Research says that nature helps our heads as well as our bodies stay healthy. You know the feeling you get after a walk or hike in the bush, a stroll on the beach or a day at the river. Diarise nature time to clear your head.
• Insights and understanding come with time. Set up a habit to reflect often. Just like any other skill or habit, it will take time to get into your reflection flow. The great news is those who take the time to reflect are better learners, happier people and more productive. Join me at the next Alyceum Live online gathering for reflection, inspiration and connection on the 28 January using the coupon bemyguest (First time user only).
• Move your body. The insights can come when we move, that’s what our bodies were made to do! It gets the blood pumping and gives you inspiration. Exercise is not only crucial to physical health, but it’s good for your head too.

Purpose Activity 1: Identify and Utilise your Signature Strengths

Living your strengths each and every day can be one of the most powerful strategies you have to creating a life of meaning, happiness and personal success.

Martin Seligman, Professor and founder of the University of Penn’s Positive Psychology Centre, has invested in a huge amount of research into the benefits of identifying and living your strengths as a way of living a flourishing life. They have developed an online (free) survey to identify your top 5 character strengths. (Head to Questionnaires and check out the VIA Character Strengths Survey).

These researchers found 6 universal virtues, which can be broken down into 24 core strengths. Here’s a look at the 24:

• Courage: Bravery, Perseverance, Honesty and Zest
• Wisdom: Creativity, Curiosity, Critical thinking, love of learning and perspective
• Humanity: Love, Kindness and Social intelligence
• Justice: Teamwork, Fairness and Leadership
• Temperance: Appreciation of Beauty, Gratitude, Hope, Humour and Spirituality

Personally, I’ve gained much over the years by reflecting on my key strengths and incorporating them more and more into my life. It makes me happy when I get to use my strengths and it brings me a sense of purpose. Understanding my key strengths has given me an awareness of my leadership superpowers too. My strengths (and my unique mix of strengths) as my leadership brand and people get to know me for my strengths.

Ryan Niemiec and Robert McGrath, authors of the bok, The Power of Character Strengths shared that there are telltale signs to know what is a signature strength of yours. There are three tell tale signs: Essential (It’s a core part of who you are as a person), Effortless (It feels natural and evokes a sense of flow when you’re using it) and Energising (It lifts you up and makes you feel happy).

For those playing along at home, my top strengths are hope, zest, gratitude, leadership and creativity. What’s yours?

A note to beware– after mentoring many people to focus on their strengths, the catch is that people see their strengths as so easy or commonplace that they dismiss their power. You might think – how is this my superpower? Isn’t everyone good at this? This is nothing special. The simple answer is NO! Not everyone has this strength. How can you deepen your mastery of this strength, practice it deliberately and enhance its use in your life?

Purpose Activity 2: Understand your Hedgehog

This concept was highlighted in Jim Collins’ book, Good to Great, and is based on the ancient Greek parable about the hedgehog and the fox. The story goes, despite all the tactics of the fox, the hedgehog always wins because it knows how to do one thing really well and that’s defend itself (think roll in a ball of spikes!).

So this model asks you to think about the intersection of three questions:

1. What are you great at? These are your strength areas! Focus on them, practice them, improve them and know them! What can you be best in the world at?
2. What does the world need? What will people pay for? Or what does the world need and are willing to pay for?
3. What are you deeply passionate about? What makes you curious? What do you love or brings you joy? What’s important to you?

Now spend a bit of time to consider these questions individually – think of them as three circles in a venn diagram. Then the interesting part is finding something that intersects all three of these. According to Jim Collins’s book, organisations that have focused on one thing (the intersection of these three questions) and done it really well, outperform all their competitors and stand the test of time.

What’s in the intersection for you?

Purpose Activity 3: Focus on the Intrinsic Motivators

In life, you can easily get caught up with, as author Brian Johnson would call it, ‘society’s candy’. Which is when there is an over-emphasis on our extrinsic motivators – namely fame, fortune and how you look. It’s okay to focus a little on these things but an over-emphasis can actually, at worst, make you depressed. Yes, that’s right. If you are living the rat race where you are continually focused on material wealth, chasing fame and focusing on what you look for appearance sake – you are in danger of having poorer mental health because of it.

Instead, it’s best to reorient yourself to focus on areas that intrinsically motivate us – fostering strong relationships,

learning and growth, and contributing to a community. It’s been found that people who are motivated by these intrinsic motivators are more likely to be healthy and have higher self esteem.

When you look at your goals this year and in life, what is driving them? Is it about status, power, money or comparison?

Or is it about how you can learn and grow as a person, or the people who mean the most to you, or how you can give back to a greater purpose in life? It is so interesting to use this filter when you come across advertising. You start to see the extrinsic motivators that advertisers use to try and get you to buy their product. Where does your focus truly lie?

Last word

My last word is this – no one is going to do this important work for you. It’s up to you to take responsibility for clarifying your purpose in life and living a more meaningful existence.

We live in a really lucky time (and place) in the world where we can focus on meaning and purpose in our life. Don’t underestimate the power of these simple reflection activities. Join me on social media and share your purpose!