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Purpose

Are some purposes better than others?

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Want to carve out time and space for thinking and reflection in 2020? Join me once a month online for 90 minutes for reflection, inspiration and connection. Our next gathering is on the 28 January and you can use the coupon bemyguest to try it for free for the first time. Or better yet, commit to growing your reflection muscle by registering for all the 2020 Alyceum Live gatherings here.

Ok, I want to get straight to the point here – do you think some life purposes are better than others? It’s a topic you want to get right, but how much time do we invest in it to consider? Instead we head straight into our careers and lives without understanding if it’s important.

Emily Esfahani, author of The Power of Meaning: The True Route to Happiness, highlighted in her book:

“In the late sixties, the top priority of college freshmen was ‘developing a meaningful life philosophy.” Nearly all of them – 86% – said this was an ‘essential’ or ‘very important’ life goal. By the 2000s, their top priority became ‘being very well off financially’ while just 40% said meaning was their chief goal.”

No wonder there often comes a time when you wonder what the point of life is and perhaps go in search of something meaningful to you.

Four types

In his book, Noble Purpose – The Joy of Living a Meaningful Life, William Damon, people fall into one of the four categories.

1. The Disengaged (and non-purposeful)

People in this category show no engagement to others. They have no interests and activities that involves anything other than themselves.

2. The Dreamers

The dreamers are pro at dreaming. They have ideas and notions about themselves but these dreams never see the light of day. The dreamers never do anything to enact their ideas, not in the present and not in the future.

3. The Dabblers

The dabblers dabble in everything, but temporarily. Their resume consists of several pages in which they seem to have experimented with everything under the sun. And yet, nothing lasts because they lack the commitment, the driving force that will make them stick.

4. The Purposeful

These people have become aware of something that truly matters to them, they have discovered the reason behind their passion, and they have committed to stay with this thing for a long time. All their actions are towards that one thing that now matters to them and will continue to matter to them.

Damon’s research of 1,200 12 – 26 year olds found that only 20% of people fell into the category of purposeful. He found that the majority of people fell into the dreamer (25%) or dabbler (30%) category which have the most potential to find their purpose.

What’s the true meaning of purpose?

A life purpose is a central motivating aim in our lives. The thing that means the most to us, the very thing that makes us get out of bed every morning.

A purpose can help guide your decisions, give you a sense of direction, removes the feeling of confusion and being lost. It influences our behaviour, and most importantly it creates meaning.

The purpose is also different for every single person. One person’s life purpose could be their vocation and to achieve certain goals within that vocation. For another person, it could be providing a good life for their family. Since purpose is quite personal, it cannot be compared to another person’s purpose.

In that regard, one’s purpose is never better than the others.

However, when you compare your own goals and aims in life and how you are drawn to it, then indeed some purposes are better than others.

What purposes to focus on

So just to re-iterate, we are not comparing your purpose with others. All of our lives are different, our stories are different and that is why our purposes are different too. We are comparing the purposes you can focus on in your life.

 

  • A prosocial purpose is better than a non-prosocial purpose

Research describes prosocial behavior as an “action primarily intended to benefit others”.

So, respectfully, let’s forget about you for a moment! Sometimes our ego can catch us thinking out when our purpose becomes all about us!

A better purpose would be something that involves helping, donating, sharing, creating, and volunteering for others.

 

  • A purpose with vertical coherence is better than the purpose lacking it

In his book, The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt discusses the concept of vertical coherence.

According to the research, Haidt drew the conclusion that all the emotionally happy and healthy people have short-term goals that align neatly with their long-term goals–hence the vertical coherence.

So having our purpose align with our daily or even yearly goals is important. Our short term goals may give us clues as to a more overarching purpose in our life.

Are your goals in alignment?

 

  • A purpose that comes from intrinsic motivation is better than an extrinsic one

A purpose based on what others think, the craving for fame, for beauty and fortune is not as helpful as the purpose that is drawn from intrinsic motivation. Your intrinsic motivation comes from connecting with others, giving back and learning and developing yourself as a person.

This is associated with eudaimonia, a Greek concept that refers to the right actions that result in the well-being and happiness of an individual.

When your purpose is based on morals, ethics, goodness, and kindness as opposed to conforming to extrinsic factors then you can truly achieve eudaimonia.

 

  • A purpose based on calling is better than a purpose based on career

Now don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of people get a lot of meaning from their work and career. It’s sometimes good to question – why is that? For example, some people get a lot of external validation from their work – money, status or money – which drives them to focus on their careers.

My question for you is does this lifestyle allow you to exercise and take care of you physically, mentally and emotionally? Does it give you time with your loved ones, your partner and children? Does it allow you to give back to your community? What happens when you retire and your children have grown old? Will you look back and be proud of the life you’ve led?

I want you to push yourself to think bigger than just your career and focus on your calling.

Dr. Amy Wrzesniewski, a professor at Yale School of Management describes a person with a calling as someone who works not for financial gain or career advancement but instead for the fulfilment that doing the work brings and its usefulness to society.

Not all purposes are created equal

Taking the time to consider your purpose and the motivations behind it can have such a positive effect on your life and wellbeing. In a world that is often feeding you down a pathway of fame, fortune and beauty, it’s important to consciously choose the life you want to live. If you need guidance you’re more than welcome to check out my new Purpose Masterclass.

Get this Free Guide: 6 POWERFUL SECRETS TO FIND YOUR HIGHEST PURPOSE IN LIFE

The world needs more purpose-driven people. But where do you start?

This inspiring guide will give you powerful insights to find and refine your own purpose in life.
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Finding your Purpose in a Noisy and Distracted World

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Want to carve out time and space for thinking and reflection in 2020? Join me once a month online for 90 minutes for reflection, inspiration and connection. Our next gathering is on the 28 January and you can use the coupon bemyguest to try it for free for the first time. Or better yet, commit to growing your reflection muscle by registering for all the 2020 Alyceum Live gatherings here.

“All change, even very large and powerful change, begins when a few people start talking with one another about something they care about.” – Margaret Wheatley

Finding and living your purpose is more important than ever in a world that can lack meaning and connection. But how often do we truly focus our attention on what’s important to us?

Do you feel a little lost at times? What about turning up the volume on your inner voice and work on a purpose that resonates with you.

I’m going to be honest, it’s not easy. Like any type of self reflection work, it is work! The answers won’t all come immediately. You do have to work at it and it will take time. You can continue to evolve it too, it will become your life’s work. But it is nice to think about the body of work you want to create in the world.

Before you jump into the three powerful activities below, I have a few smaller recommendations to get you started:

• Get out into nature more. Less screens and walls means you can breathe more deeply, get more oxygen into your bloodstream and connect back with you. Research says that nature helps our heads as well as our bodies stay healthy. You know the feeling you get after a walk or hike in the bush, a stroll on the beach or a day at the river. Diarise nature time to clear your head.
• Insights and understanding come with time. Set up a habit to reflect often. Just like any other skill or habit, it will take time to get into your reflection flow. The great news is those who take the time to reflect are better learners, happier people and more productive. Join me at the next Alyceum Live online gathering for reflection, inspiration and connection on the 28 January using the coupon bemyguest (First time user only).
• Move your body. The insights can come when we move, that’s what our bodies were made to do! It gets the blood pumping and gives you inspiration. Exercise is not only crucial to physical health, but it’s good for your head too.

Purpose Activity 1: Identify and Utilise your Signature Strengths

Living your strengths each and every day can be one of the most powerful strategies you have to creating a life of meaning, happiness and personal success.

Martin Seligman, Professor and founder of the University of Penn’s Positive Psychology Centre, has invested in a huge amount of research into the benefits of identifying and living your strengths as a way of living a flourishing life. They have developed an online (free) survey to identify your top 5 character strengths. (Head to Questionnaires and check out the VIA Character Strengths Survey).

These researchers found 6 universal virtues, which can be broken down into 24 core strengths. Here’s a look at the 24:

  • Courage: Bravery, Perseverance, Honesty and Zest
  • Wisdom: Creativity, Curiosity, Critical thinking, love of learning and perspective
  • Humanity: Love, Kindness and Social intelligence
  • Justice: Teamwork, Fairness and Leadership
  • Temperance: Appreciation of Beauty, Gratitude, Hope, Humour and Spirituality

Personally, I’ve gained much over the years by reflecting on my key strengths and incorporating them more and more into my life. It makes me happy when I get to use my strengths and it brings me a sense of purpose. Understanding my key strengths has given me an awareness of my leadership superpowers too. My strengths (and my unique mix of strengths) as my leadership brand and people get to know me for my strengths.

Ryan Niemiec and Robert McGrath, authors of the bok, The Power of Character Strengths shared that there are telltale signs to know what is a signature strength of yours. There are three tell tale signs: Essential (It’s a core part of who you are as a person), Effortless (It feels natural and evokes a sense of flow when you’re using it) and Energising (It lifts you up and makes you feel happy).

For those playing along at home, my top strengths are hope, zest, gratitude, leadership and creativity. What’s yours?

A note to beware– after mentoring many people to focus on their strengths, the catch is that people see their strengths as so easy or commonplace that they dismiss their power. You might think – how is this my superpower? Isn’t everyone good at this? This is nothing special. The simple answer is NO! Not everyone has this strength. How can you deepen your mastery of this strength, practice it deliberately and enhance its use in your life?

Purpose Activity 2: Understand your Hedgehog

This concept was highlighted in Jim Collins’ book, Good to Great, and is based on the ancient Greek parable about the hedgehog and the fox. The story goes, despite all the tactics of the fox, the hedgehog always wins because it knows how to do one thing really well and that’s defend itself (think roll in a ball of spikes!).

So this model asks you to think about the intersection of three questions:

1. What are you great at? These are your strength areas! Focus on them, practice them, improve them and know them! What can you be best in the world at?
2. What does the world need? What will people pay for? Or what does the world need and are willing to pay for?
3. What are you deeply passionate about? What makes you curious? What do you love or brings you joy? What’s important to you?

Now spend a bit of time to consider these questions individually – think of them as three circles in a venn diagram. Then the interesting part is finding something that intersects all three of these. According to Jim Collins’s book, organisations that have focused on one thing (the intersection of these three questions) and done it really well, outperform all their competitors and stand the test of time.

What’s in the intersection for you?

Purpose Activity 3: Focus on the Intrinsic Motivators

In life, you can easily get caught up with, as author Brian Johnson would call it, ‘society’s candy’. Which is when there is an over-emphasis on our extrinsic motivators – namely fame, fortune and how you look. It’s okay to focus a little on these things but an over-emphasis can actually, at worst, make you depressed. Yes, that’s right. If you are living the rat race where you are continually focused on material wealth, chasing fame and focusing on what you look for appearance sake – you are in danger of having poorer mental health because of it.

Instead, it’s best to reorient yourself to focus on areas that intrinsically motivate us – fostering strong relationships,

learning and growth, and contributing to a community. It’s been found that people who are motivated by these intrinsic motivators are more likely to be healthy and have higher self esteem.

When you look at your goals this year and in life, what is driving them? Is it about status, power, money or comparison?

Or is it about how you can learn and grow as a person, or the people who mean the most to you, or how you can give back to a greater purpose in life? It is so interesting to use this filter when you come across advertising. You start to see the extrinsic motivators that advertisers use to try and get you to buy their product. Where does your focus truly lie?

Last word

My last word is this – no one is going to do this important work for you. It’s up to you to take responsibility for clarifying your purpose in life and living a more meaningful existence.

We live in a really lucky time (and place) in the world where we can focus on meaning and purpose in our life. Don’t underestimate the power of these simple reflection activities. Join me on social media and share your purpose!

Get this Free Guide: 6 POWERFUL SECRETS TO FIND YOUR HIGHEST PURPOSE IN LIFE

The world needs more purpose-driven people. But where do you start?

This inspiring guide will give you powerful insights to find and refine your own purpose in life.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

10 questions to plan for 2020

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Want to join my Reflection Revolution in 2020? You, me, the Alyceum Community, once a month for 90 minutes for reflection, inspiration and connection. Join us here for a free taster (FIRST TIME GUESTS ONLY) on the 28 January using the coupon bemyguest. Or better yet, commit to growing your reflection muscle by registering for all the 2020 Alyceum Live gatherings here.

A fresh new year to dream, visualise and plan. But how do you get started? Journalling is a great tool to develop our insight, connect with our inner voice and start to develop clarity about the life you want to lead.

I think we can under-estimate what can be achieved in a year but we have to take the time to contemplate what we will actually want to achieve and break it down into your first bite sized piece of this. So what do you want to be different in a year’s time?

In December I posted 10 Questions to Fuel Your Reflection of 2019. Because we have to look back first!

It’s a great practice to….

  • reflect back over the whole year (it gives you a sense of what can be achieved in a year),
  • visualise what you did with your time (consider the projects you worked on and how you spent your time), and
  • really consider on the key learnings you have taken from the year – seriously, what did you learn?

Most often, we sleep walk through life without taking the time to reflect, grow and stretch into the future. Just as useful as it is to look back, now it’s time to look forward.

10 Questions to help your planning in 2020

So where to start!

Take these 10 journaling questions to planning for 2020. They are simple questions but they will take some time to consider. Put yourself first – before work, Netflix or social media, and make it a priority to immerse yourself in these questions.

1. How will you step into the highest version of yourself this year?

If you practiced all the habits you wanted, lived your core strengths and you were totally aligned with values – this would be your highest version of you. Visualise who and what this person would look like, what choices they would make, how they would talk and interact with others and what they would focus on in life. The game is – how do you edge closer and closer to this person every moment. Think small steps.

Your highest version of you can be your greatest mentor, guide and inspiration – ask her for advice as life’s challenges arise. Tap into the inner wisdom you possess. The clearer your highest version is to you, the better she can guide you through life’s ups and downs.

2. Describe your ideal day, week and year?

How you live your days is how you live your life!

It’s a big statement but it’s true. Our daily habits form the foundations for how you live your life. What is one habit you want to focus on this year and one habit you want to let go of?

Take some time to craft your ideal day, week and year. What does an ideal 24 hours look like to you? Take into consideration all the realities of life and craft what it could look like.

What about a week? What do the ultimate 7 days look like? Break the rules, and see what you come up with. What energises you? Who do you want to spend time with? What goals do you want to dedicate your life to?

3. How will you use your strengths?

Want to enjoy life to the fullest? Put your strengths to work!

Professor Martin Seligman, Director of the University of Penn Positive Psychology Centre found that a key part of flourishing in life and work is using your strengths.  So first you have to know them – do you know them? Inside out and back to front? How much of your day do you get to use your strengths currently?

How can you increase the dial on this and use them more and more in your life. Again, you can be creative with this, perhaps you haven’t come across ways that you could be using them more and more in your life.

4. How will you take care of yourself? What’s your health and wellbeing plan?

Without your health it’s very hard to achieve anything of significance over the long term. Think physical, mental and spiritual. This means you have to actively plan for sleep, rest, nutrition, movement, mental clarity and fun! How could you step up your health? How can you make it fun?

I read an article this year that so aptly described self care as not a day in the day spa but the everyday looking after yourself – cooking healthy meals, moving your body and doing something that enriches your spirit – this is real self care.

Don’t wait until your health is threatened to make health a priority. Do it now.

5. What is holding you back? 

Otto Scharmer, author of the books Theory U and Leading from the Emerging Future talks about the three voices that hold you back…

  • the voice of judgement (shutting down your open mind instead of being inquiring and curious),
  • the voice of cynicism (shutting down your open heart instead of connecting and relating) and
  • the voice of fear (shutting down your open will instead of letting go).

How powerful!

Do you ever listen to the stories you tell yourself or others about what’s happening in your life? I often try to listen in to what I say automatically to friends and colleagues about what’s happening in my life.

Journalling is another great opportunity to tap into your stories.

These stories are your beliefs – but you know what, you don’t have to believe them? What? Yes, your beliefs can hold you back and sometimes you need to actively change them.

What beliefs do you need to say goodbye to and what beliefs will you try out in 2020?

6. How will you give back to the community? And how can you be of service to others? 

If you know me at all, you know I see this as an integral piece in life. Life is energised by using our greatest strengths in service to the world. If you haven’t felt this through your giving before, you probably haven’t tapped into the right giving for you yet.

How can you focus on giving to others this year? Often this can provide great energy in our lives. If you were to focus on one area to give back in, what’s it going to be this year? Commit as deeply to this as the other areas in your life.

Maybe it could be to join a Not-For-Profit board?

7. What do you want to learn?

The most extraordinary leaders I know are people who never stop learning. They are humble and understand the world is changing at an extraordinary pace.

First define the what. Where do you want to grow, stretch and learn this year? If you could develop your own learning curriculum this year, what would it be?

Then think about the how. How will you learn what you want to learn? What books can you read? Are there any courses you can take? What conferences can you learn from? Which key skills do you want to learn and foster this year?

Get excited about what you can learn and how you can grow as a person and leader.

8. What relationships do you want to foster?

Relationships feed you – they can lift you up, inspire you, challenge you and support you. Yet, we are increasingly living in a lonely world. In today’s world, we’ve forgotten how to foster friendships with others.

Lately I’ve become really intentional about the relationships I’ve wanted to foster. Which ones energise me? Provide great insights? Challenge me? Nurture me?

Think about who makes up your community? Family, friends, networks, work colleagues and neighbours.

Be focused on the key relationships you would like to develop this year. Who can help you be the person you want to be? Will you reach out to a new mentor, create a mastermind group, attend a new conference to expand your networks. Foster your friendships?

This will take time. Devote time, energy, ideas and resources to develop these friendships. Make them fun. Make them meaningful. And they will create a life worth living.

9. How will you be inspired?

Inspire – the original latin definition means to breathe into. How do you breathe life into your existence?

What are the inspiration sources that help you stay energised and refreshed for the ups and downs for the year. How can you operationalise your inspiration sources so you can perform at an optimal level?

Inspiration is required on a consistent basis so think about the sources that energise you in life. What gives you energy and what drains your energy?

10. What amazing life adventures do you want to do this year?

Ok – now it’s time for a bit of fun.

Forget work, think about what is going to bring you joy and fun into your life. What life adventures could you have this year?

Think about what you’ve never done before! What’s something you could do for the very first time? It could be a new place to visit, a new hobby, a new friendship to cultivate?

Think about your fears – what are you avoiding? What gets the heart rate going? Life adventures can be a mental challenge as well as a physical one. What is one fear to conquer this year? What training and preparation could you do? Who could you enlist to help you? Give yourself a challenge.

Think about what brings you joy!

Let’s continue the conversation here. I’d love to know what 2020 will bring you!

Ready to step into your full leadership potential?

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15 WAYS TO FIND AN NFP BOARD POSITION
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One simple change to your development plan

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Want to shake up your professional development plan this year? I’ve got a strategy that can play a HUGE role in reframing your professional development.

Without even thinking, we are so conditioned to focus on our weaknesses and it makes sense, for the most part. We fill out our professional development plans with strategies to overcome the areas we are not good at. However, extraordinary leaders are not created by having no weaknesses, they are created by having built mastery around their strength areas. In fact, you have the most opportunity for growth in your areas of strength not your weaknesses.

Pop quiz time!

What do you think is a strength? Something you:
– Used to get an A for in school or university?
– Are born with?
– Can teach others?
– Can learn and master?

Nearly! Marcus Buckingham describes a strength as something that makes you feel STRONG. It’s partly something that you’re drawn to do, something that feels almost effortlessly simple to you and draws on your innate talents.

Buckingham explores the three elements of all strengths.

Talents – These are your innate abilities. Buckingham describes them as “naturally recurring patterns of thought, feeling or behaviour”.

Skills – Skills are the action steps of any activity. It’s a learned behaviour.

Knowledge – Knowledge is acquired too. It involves the information that you learn.

If you combine all these three elements, you get a strength! It’s a great reminder – you can’t rely on natural aptitude (your talents) alone to build your strength, it must be combined with learned knowledge and skills.

“The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work”
Emile Zola
 

Of course, there are some things that we are naturally good at but don’t give you that sense of energy and enthusiasm and therefore we are not drawn to build our knowledge and skills in that area – this is not our strengths.

A strength must fulfil you, give you energy and gives you that sense of flow. As Emile’s quote reflects, you must work at your natural talents to create them into an area of true strength for you.

Answer: Yes or No

Here’s an easy Yes or No quiz to get you thinking about harnessing your strengths and the strengths of others in your everyday life.

I can name my top strengths easily Yes / No
I use my top strengths daily Yes / No
I encourage others to use their top strengths Yes / No
I work on my strengths as much if not more than my weaknesses Yes / No
I focus on building mastery in my areas of strength Yes / No
I continually look for ways to use my strengths more Yes / No
I work with mentors who contribute to my strengths Yes / No
I do not let the fear of my weaknesses get in the way of my success Yes / No
I build my self confidence in my strengths Yes / No

The more ‘yes’’ answers you have, the more you are heading down the pathway of discovering and utilising your strengths every day.

If you got a few no answers – don’t stress!

We are taught to acknowledge our strengths and work hard on our weaknesses.
But what if this was switched? What if we lived in a world where we focused on mastering your strengths?

In one of Marcus Buckingham’s books, Go Put your Strengths to Work, he says that 61% of people believe you will grow the most in your areas of greatest weakness. Buckingham himself calls this a MYTH.

“You will learn the most, grow the most, and develop the most in your areas of greatest strength”
Buckingham
 

What are your preconceived thoughts about strengths and weaknesses? Do you have the mindset of focusing mastering and harnessing your strengths or focusing on fixing your weaknesses?

Do you struggle through trying to fix your weaknesses? Working on those areas that you find boring until you get it right. If so, it’s time to ask whether this strategy is serving you or not?

One exception – beware your fatal flaws!

In John Zenger’s book, The Extraordinary Leader, it does acknowledge that this notion of focusing on strengths and leaving your weaknesses works UNLESS you have a fatal flaw. A fatal flaw is a weakness that will impinge on your success and your use of your strengths.

In their research, they found that fatal flaws usually have three things in common:

• They are extremely obvious to everyone around you.
• They tend to be your inability to do something rather than your ability to do something.
• They tend to be areas of emotional intelligence rather than intellectual deficiencies.

Buckingham lists 5 ways to overcome your talent weaknesses:

1. Get just a little better at them
2. Design a support system to overcome the weaknesses
3. Use your strongest strengths to overwhelm your weaknesses
4. Find a partner who has a strength in your area of weaknesses
5. Just stop doing it (if you can).

So we can’t rest completely on our laurels about our weaknesses, as long as we manage them appropriately then we can focus on learning and development strategies on our strengths.

How do I focus on my strengths?

What are the simplest ways of identifying your strengths? Check out three different methods for discovering your own strengths.

The first technique is personally reflecting and identifying your strengths. The two other techniques are psychological tools you can use.

1. Personal Assessment – Think, Reflect and Journal

No surveys, quizzes or research – just your own feelings and reflection. But how do you do it? Here are three ways to identify your own personal strengths:

Journalling – take the time to write and reflect on the times in your life that you’ve felt most alive. What activities make you feel strong, empowered and feel effortlessly simple to you? Write down the activities that you feel constantly drawn to.
Ask the people around you – mentors, friends and family, ask them what they see in you. They can highlight your good blind-spots!
Examine your history – look for the themes and patterns in your life. What keeps popping up as your strength areas?

2. Strengths Finder Test

Strengths Finder lists 34 of the most common natural talents through their research. Add to these talents, your skills and knowledge and you have your strengths.

You can complete the Strengths Finder test online here or when you buy the book. It will take about 30 minutes to complete. The book details the 34 talents and give ideas for action for each. Heads up – this is a paid assessment.

3. Virtues in Action Character Strengths Survey

Ok, let’s face it, there are many online tools out there to identify your strengths, but the Authentic Happiness website is coordinated by Dr Martin Seligman, who is one of the founders of positive psychology movement and also the Director of the Positive Psychology Centre at the University of Pennsylvania.

You can complete the (free) VIA (Virtues in Action) Character Strengths survey to help you explore your character strengths and consider how to put them to work. The VIA classification is the result of many years research about people’s strengths and how they are used to improve your life. What they discovered was six universal virtues of which 24 character strengths stem from – get to know yours!

Get to know your strengths

I would recommend you try all three methodologies above. Do your personal assessment first, then do the Strengths Finder test and Character Strengths survey. List your talents and strengths and consider which ones really resonate with you. Think about how you can use them more everyday and build your knowledge, experience and skills in these areas.

Go live your very best strengths every single day.

Now over to you: What are your top strengths? How do you use them? Let’s continue the conversation here!

Ready to step into your full leadership potential?

GET THE FREE GUIDE:
15 WAYS TO FIND AN NFP BOARD POSITION
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

How Strong are the Relationships you are Building?

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According to a recent Lifeline report, 60% of Australians report feeling lonely, 82% think loneliness is increasing and 33% don’t have anyone to confide in. This is a big problem when building strong mutually beneficial relationships is one of the key components to building a successful team and career.

Three Types of Relationships to Cultivate

1. Mates

Watching my daughter in the playground the other day, what strikes me as interesting is how easy it is for kids to form friendships. It would seem that as you get older, it may be harder to strike up strong friendships. So what does it really take to form a friendship? In the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Jeffrey Hall, professor of Communication Studies, suggested that it’s all about time we invest. His results showed that it takes 40 to 60 hours to form a casual friendship, 80 to 100 hours to be upgraded to being a friend, and about 200 hours to become “good friends”. It makes you think about what time you are investing in relationships both personally and professionally, doesn’t it?

ACTION: Consider how to make friendships a priority. Who do you know currently that you could cultivate a stronger friendship with just by putting aside some time to intentionally connect?

2. Masterminds

A mastermind is a group of people who commit to meeting on a regular basis to share their challenges and brainstorm solutions. It’s like a peer mentoring group. You help each other, promote each other, keep each other accountable, push each other to greater heights and share your journeys together.Perfect mastermind buddies are those at the same level as you, they display similar ambitions as well as character qualities e.g. reliable, motivated and dedicated.

ACTION: Host a gathering of people who are at similar levels in their career and brainstorm ways that you might be able to support each other to succeed.

3. Mentors

These are the people who you admire, who have walked the path that you’re keen to take and who can share their experience and wisdom. Mentoring is one of the best professional development strategies you can implement. Do you make the most of mentoring?

Naomi Simson, founder of Red Balloon shared a technique she uses with mentors. Instead of asking the question ‘what should I do about..?’, she asks ‘tell me about a time when you had to…?’. Mentors are not there to solve your problems but a sounding board to talk through the issues and solutions until you reach the best pathway for you.

ACTION: Who could you reach out to? Consider your approach.

Kindness is Key

Relationships built on trust, respect and kindness are so helpful to our teams, careers, wellbeing and happiness. It can be the simplest of things that can create that sense of warmth and involvement. Recently, I contributed to a leadership program by coming in and sharing my story. As I entered the room to conduct my presentation, everyone was milling around in their break. I took the opportunity to circle the room beforehand to introduce myself, shake hands and find out where people worked and how they were finding the leadership program. When I received feedback from the organisers, I was flabbergasted at how such a small gesture could mean so much to people.

“You were the first presenter to actively engage each group before you spoke which made for stronger connections with the audience when you spoke”.


“I thought Alicia built respect by trying to, literally, introduce herself to all of us, made her feel relatable”.

At the heart of leadership, people are searching to be seen, heard, appreciated and connected. We can do this in many wonderful ways and yet when we become busy or stressed, we can forget to cultivate these connections. I’ve definitely learnt this from the incredible leaders who I’ve had the opportunity to witness and learn from and in the end, this is the type of leader I want to be. It’s realising that despite our challenges we are all humans that deserve kindness and respect. Think about how you can be an exceptional friend, team mate, colleague or manager to others too.

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My Top 7 Books on Purpose

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During 17 years as a leadership facilitator and creating the online Purpose Masterclass course, I’ve read a lot of books about purpose. So I’ve collated a list of books that might help you spark your journey to defining, refining and living your purpose.

Variety is key

Purpose will mean something slightly different to everyone so I’ve tried to add a variety of books so each book might appeal to someone different. Choose the one book that connects with you and give it a go!

Here are seven of my favourite books on purpose.

The Alchemist by Paul Coelho

My husband to be gave me this book for my 19th birthday. It’s not only a favourite of mine but for many all over the world. This book is a poetic fable about a shepherd on his way to find his treasure. It’s a story about finding your way in the world, living your purpose and trusting the teachers and omens along the way. Coelho’s writing is a dream to read.

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”
— The Alchemist

Me to We by Craig and Marc Kielburger

This book is written by Candian brothers and talks about finding meaning in life. A deeper meaning through choosing the right goals, focusing on community and service and giving your practical guidance and strategies to stay engaged with your life meaning. For me, purpose is what you can give to the world and this book perfectly shares this. If this book resonates, the brothers recently teamed up with Richard Branson’s daughter, Holly Branson to write WEconomy which is another great read.

The Power of Meaning by Emily Esfahani

This is a newer book written in 2017. Emily does a great job in deconstructing the research to living a meaningful life and the core elements in doing this. Her four pillars include belonging, purpose, storytelling and transcendence. I really loved her storytelling and how easy it was to read – a great book, for sure.

“To Aristotle, eudaimonia is not a fleeting positive emotion. Rather, it is something you do. Leading a eudaimonic life, Aristotle argued, requires cultivating the best qualities within you both morally and intellectually and living up to your potential. It is an active life, a life in which you do your job and contribute to society, a life in which you are involved in your community, a life, above all, in which you realize your potential, rather than squander your talents.”
— The Power of Meaning

Business as Unusual by Anita Roddick

This is my number one favourite book – ever! Big call, I know. I was eternally inspired by Anita Roddick and the business she started, The Body Shop (unfortunately she passed away many years ago and the business was sold so doesn’t quite retain the essence when she ran in). This book is her business manifesto and explores the opportunity for purpose in business. When I should have been reading my textbooks in the university library, I was reading this book…unsurprisingly it wasn’t long till I started my own business. I go back to this book years later for Anita’s boldness and vision. If you’re in business or want to be in business, this one is for you!

“Be courageous. It’s one of the only places left uncrowded”
— Anita Roddick

Strengths Finder by Tom Rath

Want guidance about what to do in your life, start with your strengths! When talking about purpose, I would always recommend people start with self awareness and reflection about your core strengths. Where do you start to reflect on your strengths? Strengths Finder is a great reference book to help you clarify your strengths (as we can be terrible at doing this ourselves!). Buy the book, do the test and start understanding the strengths you can bring to the world.

Presence by Amy Cuddy

This book is not specifically about purpose per se but it’s not just about power poses either.  Have you watched Amy Cuddy’s TED talk on power poses? This book is more about stepping into your own power using simple techniques to overcome fear and perform at your best. I love the idea of strengthening your personal power in the world. This book does not disappoint.

“Focus less on the impression you’re making on others and more on the impression you’re making on yourself.”
— Presence

Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Back in 2008, Csikszentmihalyi wrote this book which talks about this state of consciousness he named ‘flow’ which is essentially the feeling you get when you are in top form. This book unpacks the science of flow and gives you some great strategies to evoke it in your life.

“To overcome the anxieties and depressions of contemporary life, individuals must become independent of the social environment to the degree that they no longer respond exclusively in terms of its rewards and punishments. To achieve such autonomy, a person has to learn to provide rewards to herself. She has to develop the ability to find enjoyment and purpose regardless of external circumstances.”
— Flow

I shall stop there…

I could actually keep quoting more books to read but seven gives you a good start and hopefully there is something that resonates with you. If you’re after something more practical, check out my post, Four Practical Experience to help you form your Purpose.

Books and practice is a mean combination!  Read, act and reflect – repeat! That’s a sure fire strategy to defining, refining and living your purpose.

Tell me what books have inspired you in building your purpose in life on Alyceum’s Facebook page.

Get this Free Guide: 6 POWERFUL SECRETS TO FIND YOUR HIGHEST PURPOSE IN LIFE

The world needs more purpose-driven people. But where do you start?

This inspiring guide will give you powerful insights to find and refine your own purpose in life.
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.